Acceptance of Fate
by InsatiableKrista
Summary: A story about a vampire named Sterling, follows the book as well as the movie, since the movie has a simplistic time line.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim ownership of any of these characters or the Twilight Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the legal and rightful owner to the Twilight Saga and the characters within them. This story also contains homosexual themes and story lines, so if that offends you please do not read further.

Acceptance of Fate

Chapter One

Following my brothers and sisters into the lunch room this morning, seemed different as soon as we stepped through the doors. Edward turned his head casually and smirked in my direction, and Alice looked thoughtful, like something unexpected had happened this morning. I knew, when she was surprised it had to be something completely new, someone she didn't already know. Then I heard the loud whispers the rest heard. A girl, we all knew as the gossip center was quickly breathing our story to a new student. Rosalie and Emmett proudly strutted to our usual table off to the side, of the bright fluorescent-lit cafeteria. It was the common meeting place every morning before being dismissed to the morning classes.

"The new girl is curious," Rosalie hissed looking toward Emmett as she spoke. He tightened his hand around hers' and smiled.

"Don't worry you're hotter," he responded shooting a sideways glance in the new girl's direction.

"Do I really look like I'm in pain?" Jasper asked fiddling with Alice's fingers not meeting anyone's gaze.

"Don't worry Jazz they think its Alice's fault," Edward answered chuckling at the face Alice made.

"But that isn't true," Jasper whispered smiling at Alice and wrapping his arm affectionately around her shoulders. His strength pulled her chair closer to him.

"You're not going to hurt anyone Jasper," Alice assured leaning quickly to kiss him on the cheek. It was almost fast enough to cause suspicion, but with us, the need to comfort the ones we love is a powerful feeling. So they say, Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper. I had yet to know of such things, and since I cannot read minds like Edward I was still at a loss. I was younger than the others, I came to the family last. It has been a few decades though and I seem to fit in with the rest of them.

"They still think its weird that Carlisle lets you guys date," Edward whispered smugly. "Too much love in the family, so to speak."

"Not like we care," Rosalie snapped glaring intently at the group of gossiping students that seemed the loudest to me as I was tuned in to what they were saying just like everyone else. Hearing the last name most of us took, Cullen, was just something we couldn't ignore. It was important to note what people say about us, just incase we need to tweak ourselves to be more human. Fitting in was top priority for this family and we were all good at what we did.

"I'm getting sick of Forks," I stammered quickly. I leaned back, even though the act seemed foreign. Sitting straight up and statuesque was more natural. It was difficult to grimace and look human, instead of a monster. Even for our fair pale skin and due to Alice's teachings, casual fashion sense. We stood out though, no doubt about that. It was nice though, that people gave us all a wide birth. Getting too close to them was difficult, the warmth of their body and the rhythmic sound of their hearts. Even now, after all these years there was a strong pull to go near them. Draw them closer to our grasp, and to take their life. Not an easy thing to do, especially when you know you could get away with it here in Forks. Too many stray wanderers go into the woods, the Chief of police led many search parties a year looking for the lost. Those and the wolf people on the reservation, the ones that made sure we behaved. The treaty wasn't really necessary on our part, but the paranoid nature led us to it. It didn't soften our attitudes for them and it made us hate that we let our guard down enough to be caught.

"Brother it is nice to be in one place for awhile," Alice beamed still being held by Jasper.

"I know and the rain means we can mingle with these idiots more often," I stammered rolling my dark honey eyes. The loud crack of thunder that could be heard even through the walls of the building made me smirk. It never failed to rain or be dreary. At least the place was suitable for our way of life.

"So harsh this morning," Rosalie stated smiling. "Sterling, maybe this storm will hold up for us to play baseball after…"

"It won't," Alice interrupted; we were all looking at her before Rosalie finished her sentence. Alice could sense the future, although subjective. Things changed for her when new decisions were made. The decisions set in stone were the easiest for her to see. The weather doesn't change its mind.

"That sucks," Emmett growled frowning. The most competitive for physical tasks was Emmett. Built bigger than the rest of us, he scared the most people with just a glance. It would be nice to be as formidable looking as him. At least then I could scare the drooling admirer's away. His physical form didn't match his personality though. He was the most care free of the rest of us, the more casual in stressful situations. He was though, the easiest for Alice to read, since he made up his mind and always stuck to the decisions. I was the least easy to read, but I wanted it to be that way. I wasn't tied to the family as strongly as the rest of them. Although I loved them all as my family, and they helped pass the unending days, I didn't want Edward in my head and Alice always knowing what I was up to. As I was different than them all in a way that scared even myself and I kept up my thoughts as random as possible. Like doing calculus in my head, since I had the class anyway. Translating songs from English to all the different languages I knew. Things that kept my special brother and sister in the dark as to my true thoughts, and I only let those come to life when I reached outside their limits. Edward and Alice were both strong though, being older than I was. Their gifts were always getting stronger and farther reaching, so my small paradises didn't last long. I almost felt like a nomad at times, going as far as Southern Oregon or Eastern Canada when I needed space.

"Besides, too many days will mean we flunk," Jasper joked. We all chuckled at the inside joke he made. We had all been through high school too many times, but it was fascinating hanging around people like this. When we weren't the center of gossip and curiosity. It was better than being stuck inside a house or out wandering alone. The sense of normalcy was a strong desire for our family.

"Time for class," Edward whispered and the bell rang dismissing us to our first class. My first class, I hated. We all collectively tried to keep away from gym. Being so different would be difficult to mask when sports were involved.

"Torture," I hissed grabbing my gym bag along with my backpack and rushed ahead of everyone. I needed to change my clothes before everyone else got there. My smooth marble like skin would be too much for people to handle. I doubt I could even stand the stares. I couldn't read minds, but it wouldn't be difficult to read their facial expressions.

Like the first months had been, I got there first and changed into my sweats. Too warmly dressed for gym, but I needed to cover my body. Even clothes we wore felt cool to the touch when other people brushed against us. Our skin though, would be lacking all warmth a human body should have. So far we had been doing team sports that I could participate in, like volleyball. No one had to touch me in volleyball. I pretended to be uncoordinated and weak, hoping to be left out of the games completely, but the teacher never would allow that. Carlisle couldn't give us medical passes every day without causing an uproar with the teachers. We already missed school due to the sun. Humans not on their death bed, couldn't be sick every day. I grimaced when I walked into the gym, just now filling in with my classmates. There wasn't a net in sight. It had been shoved out of the way. What I saw was a rack of basketballs and I let out a sigh. Touching humans without hurting them was difficult, our bodies were too hard for them to be bouncing into.

"I think I'm going to be ill," I stammered walking up to the gym teacher Coach Clapp clutching my hard stomach in my hands.

"Again Sterling?" He asked studying me. I hoped my pale skin would get me out of it, but everyone around here had a difficult time getting tans. Another reason we liked settling here. His strong arms crossed and his eyebrow raised, I knew then I wouldn't get out of today's activities.

"Right, I feel it passing," I stammered glaring at the back of his head when he turned around. I went and sat on the bleachers waiting for the bell to ring, letting the class to officially start.

Everyone was seated, I a foot away from the nearest person when the bell did sound. It was a cold day, so I wasn't the only one in sweats, but unlike everyone, I wasn't amused by gym. Any other rare time, I would be all for physical sport, it was exhilarating and seemingly effortless. Basketball was difficult as I expected. We were divided up into teams of five, taking up half the court into this mini-tournament. I was on the team with people I didn't really know. I knew their names, well enough, but I didn't know them as intimately as Edward would in just a few seconds. I did realize though, that the losers had free time as the tournament went on, and with my teammates frowning I was the reason we lost. I didn't hide my pleasure when Coach Clapp told us to hit the bleachers to watch the other classmates participate. I went and changed back into my normal clothes and grabbed a book. I turned my back to the games and started reading a book that I had read a few decades ago. The library at the house did hold endless adventures to dive into, but even I, who didn't read as much as Edward was through them once already.

The bell didn't surprise me; I was well in tune with the time it took for class to pass. I simply closed my book and threw it into my clean gym clothes and smirked when I noticed my former teammates were still angry at the early tournament loss. My next class I shared with Edward – World History, a class that was offered every year of high school, just called different things to confuse students. It was a joke and if we could sleep, it would definitely be the class we would choose. We sat in the back far corner away from everyone else. Forks never had a full classroom, so we had space between us, we wouldn't really need it since we could almost communicate without words.

"The school is buzzing over Bella," Edward snorted when I took my seat beside him, next to the window furthest away from everyone else in the room.

"The new girl?" I asked sharing his facial expression. We were relieved that we were no longer the center of attention.

"She's making tons of friends," he answered chuckling his eyes intensely looking over his fingers. I watched him trying not to think about what I saw in front of me too much. It would give me away and he would get defensive. "I just hate that the locals make a huge scene over new people."

"Yeah," I grunted knowing he read my thoughts. Mr. Bryant started the class oblivious to the chatter that continued. He didn't care that he wasn't being listened to, he was just holding out on his retirement, since it was coming within the next two years. He would be free of the vacant eyes watching him for any sign of caring about not being listened to. It was an easy enough subject to talk endlessly about, plenty of theories, and names, dates, geographical locations. Made all the more boring by the fifth time being taught the same – never changing history of the world. For Edward and I, as the rest of the family, we've visited our fair share of historic locations.

"Have any classes with her yet?" He asked, but knew the answer before I spoke.

"No just gym hell," I answered humoring myself with a vocal response. He smirked knowing how I liked to hear my responses aloud, when he didn't need them. His gift, like Alice's was completely annoying.

"This morning, something strange happened," Edward whispered still staring at his hands. He seemed troubled and I felt a strong urge to ease his mind, which I couldn't read at all.

"What?" I asked how anything could be strange to anyone of us. We had seen it all, more than once by now.

"I couldn't read her thoughts," he answered grimacing again. He looked up at me and his black eyes told me that he was troubled about it. The thought of her being like us crossed my mind, neither of us could make out her heartbeat, with all the other hearts in the room, all beating at different rhythms. Different emotions having an affect on what their heart did, it was fun for us to make a heart flutter at times. It was a helpful acquired sense when we needed something, we could play their feelings to our advantage.

"Maybe she was just listening and not thinking," I offered knowing it was a stupid assumption. He smirked and rolled his eyes, but didn't comment. Just looked at me still completely lost. I wanted to look away and admit that I was completely lost when it comes to things with Edward.

"Its not like you, Sterling," Edward said causing me to study him. "Always hiding your thoughts from Alice and I."

"Some people want to be cloaked in mystery," I joked carefully, then instantly started reciting the Japanese alphabet mentally. He smiled and shook his head.

"Are you hiding something from me brother?" He asked reaching across the desk to nudge me in the shoulder. I started counting in Japanese then and looked down at my hands. It wasn't something that I could easily lie about, so I didn't even try. It was obvious that I was hiding my thoughts from them. Edward hated that he couldn't read my thoughts through the jumbled clutter I always had running through my mind. As soon as I had realized that it was his gift, I immediately started this technique. It caused him not to trust me as much as the others, only time filled the void, but I knew I was kept at a distance from the family because of it. I wanted it to be that way, so I didn't regret it, now it was just part of us.

"Same old," I huffed quickly through clenched teeth trying to keep control of my thoughts.

"One day you'll tell me voluntarily," he started then smirked, "or you'll finally run out of things to think about."

"Never," I shrugged unsure of the outcome. We had forever, and I had forever to hide. It did make me want to just say, so I would know. I had built a life around the Cullens though, being part of their coven. Not an intact part of their family though, but similar choices in diet led me to them.

"You're only hurting yourself," he hissed frowning. I couldn't deny that it wasn't painful to keep things from them. These were the closest people I had to family and I wasn't allowing that. It would last as long as I could hold strong though.

The tension around the two of us led to us both being surprised by the bell. A lot of heads rose off desks and a lot of shuffling of feet could be heard leaving the room. We had lunch after that. It was nice having the same lunch period as the rest of them. I could feel at ease around the whole group better than I could alone with Alice or Edward. At least then I could be lost in conversations and not thinking. It would be different though when we arrived this lunch period. As it had been a difficult morning for me already, compared to the boring other days. The cafeteria was still buzzing with the news of Bella, a lot of gossip surrounded her and I noticed that Edward was listening intently, to learn more about her.

"She's the Chief's daughter, Chief Swan," Alice said so that everyone else would be caught up to speed.

"Isabella Swan," Edward whispered and we all looked at him. He turned to us still annoyed about not being able to read her mind.

"Edward can't read her," Alice said and everyone looked similarly surprised, probably the same look I gave Edward when he first told me.

"Weird girl," Rosalie offered smirking, her perfect smile then spread across her face. She flipped her hair back and looked over at Emmett.

"Do you think she's dangerous?" Jasper asked peering around Edward to study Bella. He had always been paranoid when it came to the unexplained.

"I don't want to feel tense Jasper," I groaned feeling his energy wash over me, like it did everyone else around him. "She's a mortal she's no threat to us."

"Hush," Rosalie hissed. "We talk about such subjects at home and nowhere else, got it?"

"Yeah," I responded rolling my eyes. Noticing that Bella had been nothing but trouble since she arrived this morning. Even if none of it was her fault, being new and all. It still left me feeling annoyed at her and I frowned when I looked and caught her staring at us. A thoughtful expression plastered across her face, she was amused by us, that was easily saw through. I frowned and she looked back towards her fast becoming best friend, Jessica Stanley and her new admirer Mike Newton.

"Mike just called us freaks again," Edward chuckled looking down at his untouched tray of food. We all had trays, all of which we just dumped at the end of lunch. The smell of the food bothered our senses, but the façade had to remain in place. The conversation broke into pairs again, except for Edward and I. He was still learning all he could from the minds of others, all things Bella. I was back to reciting, this time annoying nursery rhymes trying to force some reaction from Edward. He did shoot me an amused glance, which I acted as innocently as possible. A few minutes later we all separated, back to classes.

The rest of the day went seemingly smooth. I was glad I couldn't read minds; the talk of Bella would've deeply annoyed me, more so than all the outward gossip about her. It was after school that I noticed the day hadn't been smooth for everyone else. When I arrived at the parking lot, I saw that my usual ride, Edward's Volvo wasn't in the usual spot. I frowned and waited beside Emmett's obnoxiously large jeep for the rest to appear.

Watching them gracefully walk towards me, I wondered how we really pulled it all off. I wondered just how blind humans were to us. There wasn't anything like us, nothing even remotely similar, but we settled into the crowd. People thought we were strangely too beautiful, but completely socially inept. That was the end of their thinking, no stray thoughts that Edward shared to make any of us worry. It was still difficult to believe settling would be this simple, but it could all change with one mistake. I couldn't shake the feeling that Bella would be our demise either. It was confirmed when Alice bounded up to me with a worried expression.

"Edward is going to visit Tanya's family," she whispered quickly. "He had a strong reaction to Bella."

"Bella?" I asked crossing my arms. Edward had been easily in control of himself, just like the rest of us, apart from Jasper who was new to the way of life.

"That's all I know, he rushed away from here because of her," she answered her eyes darting to the bare parking spot. The gravel was dry, where his car had shielded it from the misty rain that had fallen all day.

"Yeah I need a ride," I said and I opened the back door of the jeep and slid in. Jasper drove, while Alice road at his side. It took no time, once we were free of the school to get back to Esme at the house. Edward hadn't called and informed her of his plans and it worried her. She was the most nurturing person any of us remembered. Her troubled eyes always searched for any sign of trouble brewing within us. I wondered if she could see my worries, but she never let on.

"You're going for your alone time," Alice whispered looking at me. "Still a stranger among family Sterling."

"Yeah," I grunted frowning. Her small stature and large eyes made it difficult for me, just like Edward's grimacing when he knew I was hiding. Years of living this way was my only resolve left, but time with them was making that difficult. Even Esme looked hurt with the knowledge that I was running away for my routine time alone. It seemed to pain her more that I was leaving in a time when Edward was also sorting his troubling feeling through. It was big when one of us confided in Tanya's company, far away from our settled residence. It meant that we were running away from something.

"What if Edward needs you?" Esme asked and I felt a twinge of responsibility, but hurt, when she wasn't concerned about me needing anyone of them. She hugged me into her body though, and grasped the back of my head, I felt the strength of the hug, so I knew she put a lot of her strength into it. "Come back to us, soon."

"I always do," I answered trying to soothe her as best I could. Then I turned and rushed out to the garage. Like the rest of the Cullens, I too shared a love for cars. The faster the better for us all, although running would be easier. It was the one thing, human, that we had to do that no one complained about. I grabbed the keys to my Porsche, a dark blue, built for maneuverable speed. I backed out of the garage and sped my way down the darkening road. It always seemed to get dark early here, with the cloud cover, which we all enjoyed. There was still a chance of the mist from earlier in the day freezing into ice, but I didn't worry about that. With Edward headed to Canada to visit Tanya I didn't have as far to go, to get away from them as I usually did. I found myself worrying over him when I arrived at my favorite spot to think. It was a mountain ledge, completely secluded, but overlooking a vast forest. I could sense the animals below me, I felt the need to feed, which I would do before I left.

The thoughts that came to me were of my past, the last few years that I could still remember. They were clouded images full of people that I couldn't recognize anymore. I remember Maine with my family; I had just graduated high school. I was braver than usual, because I was alone and headed towards Massachusetts. I knew, more real than the images why I was going there. I was finally going to experience a part of me that I hid for so long. When I arrived though, stepping off the bus, I remember being nervous. Walking alone in the dark, not many people were around me. I had stopped at the bus stop away from my desired destination. I had the directions on a piece of paper folded in my wallet. It was worn from all the anticipated studying. I couldn't remember where the place was or even if it still existed. I couldn't find the paper.

I do remember though, when I took what I thought was a shortcut through a park. Someone calling to me in a whisper and I turned to look at her. She had dark hair, and now I knew what she was, what she still is. I hadn't understood what I saw then though. The marble skin and the dark eyes astonished me. I couldn't fight the desire to move towards her, even though she wasn't someone I would normally give a second thought about if we were to meet on a crowded street. She moved so gracefully, but quickly towards me and we met underneath a tree in the dark. When she touched me, I felt shivers run through my body and my pulse race. She reacted violently towards me and I felt the intense burning of the skin on my wrist. I was instantly blacking out from the pain that raced through my veins. The dizziness, I couldn't fight either. The dizzy feeling abruptly stopped though, with a growl coming from her. She slid me violently under a heavily flowered bush and slowly my consciousness came back to me. I heard heavy boots stomping around the bush, but the pain resonating through my body kept me silent. I didn't know who the person was and I didn't want the woman to return. It seemed though, that the heavy stomping couldn't belong to her. I was glad, but too scared to move or reveal myself. In the morning light, I realized I wasn't in the same spot. There wasn't a bush covering my form. I didn't remember blacking out, but this new place was even more secluded than before. I looked around and saw that something had dragged me, but that wasn't my only change. Everything had felt foreign to me. The burning had left me completely. I didn't feel healed at all though; I felt that something had left me. I looked down at my arm for any sign of the bite. There wasn't anything there, just a smooth skinned wrist, too smooth to have belonged to me, but I knew it was mine. I was alone, deep into some forest. I couldn't hear any street sounds, or people. My wallet was still in my back pocket when I checked for theft, but the whole ordeal seemed so far away and detached from my thoughts. I had worn glasses I remembered that. My driver's license had me pictured with a pair of small black-framed glasses. When I found them I realized I didn't need them anymore.

I didn't know what had happened, but I knew I had changed. That the woman didn't come back and kill me, but I knew I was close to death. A part of me wondered if I was dead, but my mind was still so alive. More alive than I remembered and I felt a power within my mind that I didn't understand. It wasn't there before, something else that wasn't there before was an insistent and intense sensation. A driving sensation that had me moving, but in a direction I wasn't familiar. A scent that I hadn't smelled before, but I followed eagerly, until I hit a sidewalk and I realized what I was following. I felt an urgent force pulling me towards them, but I had stopped moving. I realized then that I didn't want to follow the scent. Even though the intense thirsty sensation wanted me to propel myself forward. The sun, was what stopped me though. When it hit my skin, it blinded me and made me aware that I needed to conceal myself so I darted back into the forest and kept running, faster than I ever thought humanly possible. I went north, and when the air around me seemed cooler I stopped. I realized I was back in my home state. I didn't want to return home though, innately fearing myself. What I had become, I didn't know, but I knew I needed to stay away from humanity now. I knew, I would end up like that dark haired woman in the park if I allowed myself one step closer to the towns in Maine.

So I stayed and when the thirst was completely unnerving I found that animal blood was at least satiating me to a point where I could stifle some of my strong preserving instincts. I preyed on deer, knowing they were over populated in the state due to the lack of predators. They seemed to fear me, like they had learned that I was only there to bring them death. They couldn't outrun me though, and through the years alone I felt weaker. It seemed like a natural weakening, with my instincts wavering as well. For the longest time, I felt more human than before. I knew I wasn't though and that would never return to me. I had long since felt my heart beat or produced tears. Nothing came to me, human functions; things that took place daily didn't apply to me anymore.

I returned home one cloudy day, my home seemed such a distant memory, but still a strong part of me. It was during the day so I knew my parents were away, gone to work. I had wanted to return home, but finally felt strong enough to do so. The last thing I wanted was to be the killer of my parents. I didn't even know if they would recognize me. The clothes I wore that day had also went ragged with holes and dirt. My shoes fell apart years ago. The elements didn't fear me though, and I quickly realized I could withstand them. I was nearly naked when I bounded up to my room. I changed clothes, putting my old worn clothes in a paper sack. I later burned them. It was the pictures that haunted me. I recognized the faces, but not much else. I had already forgotten a lot of the memories behind them.

I had accepted what I became though. I had read too many horror stories and watched too many films to deny what I was. Believing that such things existed was difficult before the evidence had become me. It did surprise me though, how different the real thing was compared to the horror stories. I knew that we were indeed monsters, but we didn't necessarily have to be. And I wondered if people had taken to my type of lifestyle or if I had been destined to be alone.

My vibrating phone caught me off guard, I snapped out of my thoughts and looked down at the caller. When I saw Alice's name flashing across the screen I opened the phone and put it to my ear wondering what she needed.

"Family meeting Sterling," she hummed then hung up the phone. A family meeting was strange when one of us wasn't going to be present. I thought maybe Edward had returned, deciding he could deal with Bella. Not having to go live with Tanya for a few days to regain control of himself. When I arrived at home, I knew he wasn't there, his Volvo was still absent from the garage. It was Alice, standing there alone in the garage that had me worried. She had tricked me, this wasn't a family meeting, she had concentrated on me and I had given things away. If I had a heart, I knew it would be racing as she walked carefully towards me. I followed her to the woods, knowing things would change when she was finished dissecting her visions, the visions I gave her.


	2. Chapter 2

Acceptance of Fate

Chapter Two

When we got past the river she danced across the tree roots and sat down on a mossy rock, which jutted out from under a large tree. A low fog from the river had formed around us, and seemed to slowly be rising. I wasn't comfortable enough to sit and I didn't say anything, I just let her watch me. I wanted her to be the one to start the conversation, maybe she just had a few questions for me. If I let her do all the talking, I wouldn't slip.

"So, I know how you were created, vaguely," she whispered grimacing from where she sat. She looked angry that I was turned against my will, but thankful that the dark haired woman didn't finish what she started.

"It was accidental," I responded walking to the tree she sat beneath and leaned against it. It was comfortable to stand where I was, but the human side of us was so engrained that sometimes we acting on them without thinking. Sitting and leaning, shifting our weight, even stretching our bodies.

"I'm glad you're with us Sterling," she hummed offering me a pixy like smile. Alice had always seemed full of gentle innocence, and I thought that was because she suffered from amnesia at a time, before she was changed. So that she didn't know what type of human she was. As far as she knew, she was born the way she was, even if we all knew that wasn't a possibility.

"So spying on me?" I asked feeling the rage building within myself.

"Not intentionally, you know that," she answered. "Your thoughts were so strong that the seemed like decisions."

"Right and you just wasn't turned in," I countered shooting her a glare. She tried to look innocent of the whole thing. I knew her though, and Alice never was completely innocent. No one could really stay angry with her though. It was just who she was and I even found myself calming down already.

"We've all been worried about you for so long Sterling," she stated and reached out for my shoulder. I didn't shrug away from her touch and when her hand patted my shoulder I sighed.

"So what all did you see?" I asked and she looked thoughtful, like she was confused by what she saw.

"Well they were all fuzzy so I knew it was from your human time," she explained. "You were going somewhere, some party it seemed. Then you were hunted."

"Oh," I offered feeling better that she could only see things and not thoughts. She wasn't able to see the type of place, it probably didn't exist anymore and she would've seen it like it was back then. Back then clubs like that didn't exist as openly as they do today. No one would've known about the place if they didn't know what to look for, and I had studied those types of places, and the people to know.

"Then you went to your old house," she whispered hoping I wouldn't explode into a fit of rage. Our old families were a touchy, private subject for us and we didn't ever like talking about them lightly.

"I wasn't going there to hurt them," I said my eyebrows furrowed when she shot me a look. I couldn't read her and I hated that I was the one confined to my own mind. It would be nice to know what Alice was thinking.

"I knew that," she responded smiling. "You were an adorable baby."

"Shut up," I hissed looking down at my feet trying not to smile. I saw the pictures clearly now, on the walls of the house. When I was born, and all of my grade school pictures mounted on the wall leading to my room and I had looked at them as I went by.

"I mean really," she added elbowing me in the side. "I loved seeing that side of you, you don't even realize."

"I know I've been a bit of a mystery Alice, but I have my reasons," I stammered carefully. Not wanting the conversation to turn light, fearing I would slip more than I wanted known about me.

"You shouldn't," she huffed crossing her arms and slouching. She was trying to look hurt so I would break down and tell her everything. She would've been more effective if Jasper was here, making me feel sad about things with his ability to alter moods.

"I am the only one that can keep secrets, Alice you're not as careful with things," I defended trying to get her to understand my reasons for my mysterious actions.

"It's normal Sterling, for us to be withdrawn from others vampires," she explained. It was common knowledge and I rolled my eyes fearing the lecture that I could sense on her lips. "We're family though, whatever you're hiding we can handle. It's why we're a family."

"Speaking of family," I interrupted and she glared at me not wanting to drop the lecture just yet. "Shouldn't we both be focusing on Edward right now?"

"No, he's in Tanya's company already," she answered still glaring at me. "And we've got all night might as well mult-fix."

"You can't fix me," I groaned knowing this side of Alice well. She was like Esme, wanting to fix every problem that caused people pain. She could see that the images were painful for me, to a point. She also knew I wasn't going to talk to her about them unless she pushed. I still wasn't ready for her to know, but I could feel my resolve slipping away and I wanted to look for Jasper. I couldn't smell him though, but it didn't mean he wasn't there. He was the most skilled with maneuvers that would conceal him from people that couldn't read minds.

"Jasper is playing his guitar so no one can hear us," Alice offered smiling at me.

"I'm different, ok?" I asked breaking down in front of her as much as vampires could. I felt my muscles tense, and the need to escape these feelings pushed through my thoughts. It was difficult to fight these urges of self preservation.

"Don't run," she hissed taking hold of my arm. "You can't hide from me anyway."

"Not comforting," I growled jerking my arm from her grasp. She readied herself to follow me and I knew it was hopeless. The only way I could stop her from following me was trespassing onto Quileute lands. She would return to the family and tattle on me though, and I'd be in a lot of trouble. I thought about that option and I felt her strong hand back on my elbow. I shook the thought out of mind and she let go. "You suck Alice."

"Don't we all?" Alice asked and I let out a chuckle. Silence fell through the forest then. She wanted to give me time to think things over. I was steadily reciting lyrics to my favorite songs though, to keep her out of my head as I debated.

"Fine I'm done hiding," I said looking down at the ground. I picked up a pebble and crushed it in my hands watching the dust fall to the moist ground. I brushed the dirt from my hands on my jeans. I saw Alice grimace when I dirtied up the pair of jeans. I just rolled my eyes wondering how an ancient vampire could be so into fashion. So much so to keep us following the strict trends, that she was always ahead of, being able to predict styles.

"Good, because you have no reason to," Alice said trying to ease my worries.

"I was born different," I started and she looked confused. "Not in that sense, I guess we can't really be too different there."

"Yeah, all venom," Alice agreed offering me a smile.

"I mean that I'm not like Jasper and Emmett," I whispered, "or Carlisle for that matter."

"What do you mean?" She asked and I sighed.

"They all have mates," I answered and she pondered the direction I was going. She was still confused and I was glad I wasn't making any sense. It would give me time to think things through better, before she caught on or was blessed by a vision. The real answer, and I wanted to give up voluntarily. Her visions did take away a very decent right to privacy even if we couldn't hold it against her. She was extremely helpful when she wasn't in our heads.

"You can't have a mate?" She asked the confusing still strong in her voice. "Edward doesn't have one either, but I feel his walked through the door this morning."

"Bella is human," I hissed knowing it was bad to get close to a human. A lot of danger would surround such a thing.

"Can't help who you fall in love with, and Edward is just confused," she defended patting me on the shoulder again. "But there is a mate out there for you, I'm sure of it."

"Yeah?" I asked hopeful, but doubting it. "Are you just trying to comfort me or have you seen it?"

"Comfort, for now," she answered honestly. We had forever, so I couldn't prove her wrong and she knew it.

"I don't have a mate waiting for me," I argued crossing my arms.

"Is that your gift?" She asked eyeing me. None of them knew what I could do either, as I had hid that from them as well. As far as they knew, I was a normal vampire.

"No," I answered smiling. Finally something easy to uncover from my past, "this is what I can do." Alice looked excited and I turned away from her to concentrate. I saw that the leaves from last fall were still scattered all around the forest floor. I could move things with my mind, a telekinetic. I moved my hand and the leaves lifted from the ground and swirled around us. I could feel the cold wind that I created and she was clapping her hands, her hair blowing in the breeze I created.

"Such a useful gift," she whispered enthusiastically. "You're definitely on my team when we play baseball."

"Gifts aren't allowed," I commented laughing at her urge to cheat.

"Party killer," she hissed and I let the leaves fall away. She studied me with a glint of excitement still burning behind her honey colored eyes. My eyes I knew were black, all our eyes change when we concentrated or was overwhelmed by our emotions. It would be the biggest change we could make that would give us away. Keeping our emotions in check was important. "Just how powerful are you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, "I can only move things with my mind, I don't have any other gifts."

"I meant, how powerful is that," she explained and pointed to the leaves.

"Never really tested it, I just used it for practical things," I stammered not really wanting to try anything big. I didn't know how unstable I was and I didn't want to hurt her or myself. When a person lived forever, a regret as large as killing Alice, a person I loved as a sister would be too much to endure.

"You won't hurt me," she confided confident with her vision to foresee any bad things happening.

"Alright," I said taking her lead and trying to be comfortable. In a lot of ways, I was new to the way we existed. I had always confined myself into being as normal as possible. I glanced at her before I turned my attention on a large moss covered tree. It was a healthy tree and I felt bad about what I was about to do. I wanted to test myself though so I focused on the earth that hid the roots. The tree started swaying, and deep inside the ground Alice and I both heard the popping sound of snapping roots. Then I added more force behind my concentration. It caused my muscles to tense and start shaking. I was beginning to think I took on too large of a task, but then the tree lifted off the ground. The roots had held strong, but now that they were ripped from the tree, it felt lighter than before so I gently turned it and laid it on the forest floor, with barely an echoing sound.

"Wow," Alice whispered and I had to lean against the tree to support myself. It had taken a lot out of me to perform that, but I knew my limits. I also knew that if I practiced moving heavy objects that I would condition myself. "Can you do that to people?"

"Yes," I answered then I lifted myself from the ground then focused on her. She was levitating above the rock, still in her sitting position. I wanted to end the conversation with as much mystery as possible so I propelled us both forward and across the river. I set us both down on the ground, and I noticed Jasper was sitting on the front deck. When he saw us, he stood and went noticeably rigid. He was protective of her; it was a natural thing, with her being his mate. He would do anything to protect her, and she would do the same for him.

"What was that about?" Jasper asked when we were at the front of the house. He had his arms crossed looking at Alice for an explanation.

"Sterling showed me what he was capable of," she answered looking at me as she leaned against Jasper.

"That was you?" He asked and I nodded my head. "And the subtle crash in the forest?"

"Me too," I offered. "I move things telekinetically."

"He lifted a whole tree out of the ground," Alice hummed appreciating my well hidden power. Then she seemed to realize something and shot me a glare. "You tricked me."

"I did," I huffed innocently shrugging as I maneuvered myself around them. I glanced at Alice hoping she would let it drop, but she stubbornly followed me into the house and up the stairs to my room. It was a wing, off to myself, Esme wanted me to have as much privacy possible. She and Carlisle was in the living room talking, Emmett and Rosalie were arguing over the television remote. Emmett was trying to watch a baseball game and Rosalie wanted to change it to a classics channel so she could watch some of her favorite films. It was amusing to watch them, even fighting over something I could see the mutual affection they shared.

"I'm glad you came back to us," Esme said from the living room. With our acute hearing, she didn't have to yell. I smiled and sat down at my desk fixing to do my homework to keep up my grades.

"See, you're a strong part of this family," Alice commented sliding to sit on top of my desk, keeping me from ignoring her.

"I need to do homework," I stammered knowing I had all night ahead of me.

"Do not," she argued then I felt Jasper's presence in the room. He was trying to level out the tension he knew was building between Alice and I.

"Jasper," I groaned feeling myself relax under his power. "What is with this family using their abilities against me?"

"I feel it too Sterling," Jasper growled. "The tension, the anger, and I hate it when its among us."

"Sorry," Alice apologized and I just nodded my head not wanting to be a problem.

"Right, I told Alice that I will not find a mate," I said filling him in. I heard him chuckle from behind me and I turned around in my chair to glare at him. He looked as if I said something stupid and I was about to lunge at him, when Alice put her hand on my shoulder.

"Jasper," she said smiling in the invitingly soft way that was famous for her. No one could argue with it, not like we did with Rosalie when she tried. We all knew that Rosalie just wanted something, and maybe Alice did as well, but it was difficult to argue against her.

"I mean that it would be extremely more difficult for me to find one than the rest of you," I whispered feeling what I thought must be embarrassment rushing through my body. I felt cold, even for our normal feelings, and detached from the room.

"Gotta be patient brother," Jasper responded then I flashed my gaze to Alice who sucked in a breath.

"I understand," she stated cocking her head to look at me. "Perfectly."

"Yeah," I groaned knowing it was inevitable. I had thought about the reason, finally deciding that it would be easier this way. I doubt I could find the strength to utter them aloud. I almost wished Edward were here. He would've reacted differently. Alice was already off my desk and smiling at me.

"We're going to find you a man," she said and I shot a glare that she ignored. Then I looked at Jasper who looked confused then he blinked a few times.

"A man for a mate?" Jasper asked still reeling from the turn of events. I could feel his confusion sweeping over me and I wanted to leave my own room.

"They call that Homosexuality," Alice defined grabbing Jasper's hand. "Natural occurrence in nature really."

"Gay," Jasper stammered trying to accept what he had just heard. "Gay!"

"Shut up Jasper," Alice hissed. "We know you're from the civil war era, gays in the military was terribly too taboo."

"No, I accept it, I just am shocked," Jasper whispered studying me for any sign or difference. "I just didn't expect that being part of our world."

"Why not?" Carlisle said from the doorway with Esme trying to wiggle herself around his sturdy frame.

"You're finally breaking down those walls!" Esme exclaimed wrapping me into a motherly hug. "I finally have the son I wanted to complete the family."

"I was always here Esme," I countered gently. She backed away, keeping her arms on my shoulder to look at me.

"I don't think you realized the distance you really put between us and you," she whispered looking troubled. "And how much it hurt all of us, knowing the distance was there."

"Don't," I said offering her a smile. "I'm completely here now and we have a lot of time for catching up."

"But so much time lost," she pushed grimacing over me. She wrapped me into another hug and then I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder. He gave it a squeeze then cleared his throat.

"Esme I want to talk to Sterling alone," he said with a firm, but affectionate voice. Esme kissed my cheek then straightened her stance. She motioned for Alice and Jasper to follow her. Then Carlisle led me up the stairs to his office. He had a scientific mind, so I didn't fear him as much as I did the rest of the family. I always knew, if any of them he would be the most adjusted.

"What do you need Carlisle?" I asked when we sat in his office. It was full of medical reference books.

"Father to son," he responded offering me a smile. Even though I would forever be eighteen years old, he wasn't much older at twenty-three. He was though, the oldest and most controlled and it showed on his face all the time. He was our fearless leader, a father figure in the house and to the world beyond it. His age had surprised the people of Forks. By far he was the most expert and professional compared to that of the townspeople. They respected his expertise and welcomed him in times of need.

"Carlisle I wasn't hiding this part of me because I was ashamed," I whispered thinking I knew what he was thinking. He only studied me with a tight listless expression. The same one he used when he was examining a patient until he figured out what was wrong.

"You had your reasons," he responded breaking his expression into a smile. "I was just wondering if your feelings existed before or after your transformation."

"Before," I answered and he examined me again.

"And it carried over," he stated grabbing his chin. "I would've thought our instincts would overruled that part of you. I should've realized that wasn't the case."

"Oh, yeah," I offered not really wanting to be part of his scientific methods.

"In all these years you are the first I've known," he said offering me a smile. "Completely unique though is highly unlikely."

"Yeah?" I asked and he nodded his head smiling.

"A closet doesn't go away," he said smiling. "Edward and you aren't a thing are you?"

"No," I groaned letting the annoyance show through. "I don't feel anything for Edward other than the strong sense of family we all share."

"I wasn't condemning any such relationship," Carlisle stated leaning forward and resting his elbows on his wooden antique desk. "You know I've tried finding someone special for Edward all these years and really for you as well, but nothing ever came of it."

"You were probably looking at the wrong type for me," I said chuckling uneasily. He laughed as well and agreed that he was looking at the available female vampires for us both. When silence fell in the room I frowned and looked down at my hands. "I have accepted the fact that I will be alone forever already, so don't worry."

"No way of knowing that," Carlisle said getting up and walking over to where I was sitting. He put his hand on my shoulder then pulled me up to a hug against my will. I accepted the hug though and when he broke it he shot me a knowing smile. "Just because you're a homosexual vampire doesn't mean you can't find love."

"Its just unlikely," I hissed and he stepped away from me and looked thoughtful again.

"Do you want us to relocate with you to a more homosexually pleasant neighborhood?" Carlisle asked and I knew he would move the whole family to satisfy me. We had done it before, for Edward, for Rosalie, when the place we currently resided in held no place of comfort for a family member we moved. The thought of leaving Forks did make me smile remembering the morning I didn't enjoy.

"No I'm good," I said offering him a smile.

"Maybe just you, me, and Esme then?" He asked offering an alternative plan.

"I'll be fine," I assured. The gesture showed me that he cared for me like a son and I owed him for that. They were all so welcoming when I came into the family and I had shown no respect and kept my distance. I was suddenly feeling bad about all of that. I wouldn't be like that anymore though; I had no reason to. Though I would always feel that void of being alone, with out a strong unwavering love. I could deal with that as we lived on.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim ownership of any of these characters or the Twilight Saga. Stephenie Meyer is the legal and rightful owner to the Twilight Saga and the characters within them. This story also contains homosexual themes and story lines, so if that offends you please do not read further.

Acceptance of Fate

Chapter Three

The next morning, we readied ourselves for another day of school. Edward hadn't returned and told us not to expect him for a while. Esme reminded him about school and missing too many days would look bad, so he ended up negotiating a week. I was still angry that he let Bella affect him in such a way. It wasn't something I was too aware of, but Alice was optimistic about what happened. I never truly get nervous until Alice was, but worrying about Edward is something we all did from time to time. He seemed to be the most down to earth, but when he lost control or fell into a depression it seemed to linger on him.

"At least they're not talking about the new girl," Rosalie whispered as we entered the cafeteria again. I shot Bella a glance, she was in the middle of the table, every guy seeming to flock to her side. She was a pretty girl I thought, but didn't understand her. Through all the gossiping Alice deduced that she came to Forks on her own true will. No one had died leaving her to Chief Swan or anything. I understood that we had our reasons for coming to a place such as Forks, but for anyone else it didn't seem right.

"She wants to talk to Edward about Biology," Alice whispered smiling in her direction. She had caught us staring and turned her head. She had slow reflexes and I smirked when I noticed her face flushing.

"What exactly happened in Bio?" Emmett asked, but seemed disinterested in the question. He was amused by the response Rosalie gave him when he asked.

"I don't really know," Alice answered in a hushed voice. We all realized that she knew more than she let us believe. She saw exactly what made him decide to go to Tanya in Denali. We also knew why any of us went to Denali. It was to get away from something here and not have to deal with Vampires who prey on people.

"At least Tanya, Kate, and Irina have someone to drool over for a few days," Rosalie stated shooting me a smile. "Why Sterling you could at least be eye candy."

"Rose," I hissed rolling my eyes. "Who let you in on my secret?" I turned to Alice already passing my judgments on her. She tried to look innocent, but ended up smiling. When I was turning my head away from them to study Bella again, I saw her shoot Rosalie a look. It made Rosalie chuckle. I would deal with them later. Again my gaze caused Bella to turn away from our table and blush. It still amused me, like it would the rest of us. We liked causing reactions in people, we can hear their heart change rhythm to match their moods. Tuning her heart beat in, I could hear it flutter frantically and then calm down when she was no longer looking.

"Class time," Alice said then the bell rang. I sighed moving out of my chair and heading straight for the gym. It would be easier to endure of Jasper or Emmett had this class with me. At least I wouldn't be suffering silently alone.

When I arrived I clutched my stomach and tried to fake being ill again, but Coach Clapp just ignored me and waved me along to the changing room. If I could actually vomit, I would try. I hated trying to act sick with out the correct bodily functions to make my attempt less fumbling. We were still studying basketball, probably finishing up the tournament before heading into something else. Maybe a basketball shooting drill, I was hoping I would get to show off my skills. Playing mind games with my former tournament teammates would be fun, I thought as I changed and left the locker room. People were just now filing in, feeling excited about the morning. Most people liked Gym, even the none athletic types found it fun. A way to pass an easy class without really trying, a way to relieve stress in their mornings before the real classes begin.

"Going to try this morning Cullen?" Chase Grundy asked still miffed about being the first team to lose in the tournament last class.

"Don't have to," I shrugged answering him. I ignored him and walked over to the gym. He still stared at me, but I wasn't going to feel ashamed at what I did to them earlier it was too amusing.

The gym class watched the remaining two teams finish the tournament. There wasn't really a prize for the winning team, but the first one to twenty points won. They celebrated and then Coach Clapp called us all to his attention. He instructed us to get in groups of five. It was a game of Horse. I was thrilled and walked up to Chase Grundy and the other three of my former teammates. They didn't like seeing me there, but wasn't concerned about my basketball playing skills. In the group there was a red headed girl, pale skinned with a few freckles dotting across her nose. She was tall and lanky, and didn't fill out her t-shirt. She looked like she could use a lot of food, but girls her age were so trapped by their bodies, I thought; all of them wanting to be thin, and the thin wanting to be just completely emaciated. Chase was a regular gym head, but didn't have as impressive a body as Emmett. If I brought my brother up, I wondered if he would smirk or comment. The comparison I would think he'd make would make me laugh. No one really compared to Emmett's strong arms or rippled chest and stomach. His pale skin didn't match such a body, but in all Emmett was a force. Chase had all of the human characteristics, the reddened cheeks and soft looking skin. He just had started to lose the fat around his jaw line and he would grow into a reasonably attractive man. If only his brain matched his developing body. Then last his girlfriend of the semester, Summer. It was a weird name to have here where the sun hardly shined. She had dark, flat straightened hair that barely moved when she did. It was put into place with harsh products and treatment. She was pretty, by human standards, but still completely average.

"Want to go first Cullen?" Chase asked and I shot him a casual look. The other two looked surprised that Chase talked to me. I almost wished he wouldn't, but I caught the ball easily when he passed it to me. He tried to put all of his power into the throw and I saw him grimace when it didn't bounce into my chest and make me double over in pain. Instead it rested in my palms.

Not wanting to show off I started by taking a generic three point shot. I controlled the ball with my mind and guided it into the bottom of the net. It still made the swishing sound. Chase and Summer shot me a look, I shrugged and held my spot. They forced the redhead to go after me and I felt sorry for her. She was being offered as a sacrificial lamb, but my real goal was to get to Chase. She missed the shot and earned an H then Summer went. She missed her attempt and then I sunk Chase's awkward two point shot, with out the help of my extra abilities.

As the game went on, Jenny was the first one out of the game. Then Summer stomped to the bench when I added her last letter. I hadn't earned a letter yet and Chase only had two more from being eliminated. He looked worried when I backed away from the three point line, almost touching the center circle with the Spartan's logo stretched across the gym in orange, outlined in purple. It was too bright of school colors for such a gloomy town, but I liked that they went opposite of the surroundings. I let the shot role around the rim before I forced it through the net. He glared at me until the ball hit him on the knee as it bounced around after going through the hoop. He snapped out of it and walked with exaggerated determination to the spot where I had shot. I smirked and stepped well away from him to give him room. He missed the shot and then I took a similarly awkward shot by the out of bounds line on the far left of our court. Again he missed then looked at me, stomping to the bench, he huffed and sat down beside Summer. I could hear him cussing me under his breath to her. She had already forgotten the importance of the game of Horse we went through and was focused on touching up her make up. She knew how to communicate with him, through grunts and cleverly placed eye rolls.

"Cullen!" Coach Clapp exclaimed when I started my way towards the changing room, thinking I was finished with gym for the day. "Join the winners for the final round."

"Nah that's alright, I've had my fill," I said shaking my hands. He shot me a glare, but didn't push the matter further. He was used to me underachieving. I just hoped that in the next school I went to, if there were going to be a next one I wouldn't be forced into gym. I would want Carlisle to research the next place a lot better, a school where gym was just as optional as Art or Music would be nice.

Gym ended with a winner, a basketball player naturally. He held up a cheaply made trophy in mock excitement that didn't seem to affect Coach Clapp.

World History passed boringly by without Edward, but my mind seemed to ease into the strain of the day by not having to recite endlessly. At least I wouldn't torment Alice and Edward with my thoughts, they had free reign of it now that my secrets were in the open. It still embarrassed me though, letting the thoughts race through my mind like this for the first time. I wondered how they would react if I ever found someone to love. How that would look through Alice's mind. Would she approve of the visions or be disgusted by them? Its one thing to accept me for what I am, but another to endure the whole vision of what I was, what I would be doing, or decide that I wanted. Edward would be spared the images, but not the thoughts I would have. Even if we could control our urges, it didn't mean they didn't smolder underneath waiting to be pushed upward and expressed. I would be satisfied as well if I could torment them a little bit. It would make the days pass by with less emptiness.

Lunch and the rest of the day was quiet. Bella being new didn't seem to be as fascinating as it once was. I felt relieved for her, as she seemed to not really revel in the amusement others had with her. She was still a mystery to us though, affecting Edward. I was still thinking she was our demise. She could so easily be. She was human and dangerous, the fact that Edward couldn't read her mind made us all a little anxious. There was something alluring about her as well. Like our own magic was working against us, like she was drawing us into danger instead of the other way around. I sensed it and wondered if the rest had or if I was just paranoid. I knew that being as far away from her as possible was best for us. Edward seemed to agree by taking such drastic measures and I hoped she didn't force herself upon our family now that I was feeling more protective of them.

"Ready?" Alice asked as I waited. She looked to where I was staring. I was looking at Bella's ancient red truck. She was due by it any moment, fumbling with her keys to unlock the heavy door. "Not you too."

"You know I'm not," I stammered amused by her whisper.

"Oh right," she said patting me on the shoulder. "Forgot."

"Why couldn't you have forgot before you squealed to Rose?" I asked and again she shot me the same innocent smile.

"Secrets causes divergences dear Sterling," she answered sounding scientific and nurturing in the same melodic voice. It was a quality she shared with Carlisle. A way to set a mind at ease, but speaking a solid truth in the same breath.

"Not telling me would've been a mistake," Rosalie stated frowning. "What if I would've turned a poor girl for you?"

"Like you'd do that," I answered rolling my eyes. She just shrugged and agreed with me. She hated the life we lived. She wanted a lot more that she just couldn't have, forever yearning would be something we both had ahead of us.

"I would've," Alice whispered winking at me. "I probably still will, but I'd have to prepare for such a thing."

"Just make sure I approve, alright?" I joked getting into the jeep that Jasper drove.

"It would be nice, adding to the family," Alice stated and Jasper shot her a look and let a low groan escape his lips.

"You know that's inexcusable," he hissed, "turning people just for the sake of it, we all should be dead and gone."

"But its great to be functioning Jasper," Alice countered searching his eyes. He paid no attention to the road the reflexes he had and the lack of traffic meant a safe trip anyway.

"It's easy for you to say," he whispered weakly. He hated to argue with Alice and I felt him trying to calm the air around us. Alice seemed determined to fight the mood swing he was enforcing, but she caved and held out her hand for his. When he took it the argument was over. It wouldn't be brought up for a while, but Alice never left anything incomplete like this.

When we arrived we hopped out of the jeep. It was conveniently parked next to Rosalie's red convertible. The weather didn't suit such a car, but it was still alluring and I gave it an appreciative stroke with my index finger as I walked by.

When we stepped into the house we found that Esme and Carlisle had went hunting. It was a good time of day to go hunting; no one would be in the woods this time of day. The most adventurous humans rarely entered them anyway. It was just too thick and full of horror stories. Monster grizzly bears and large wolf packs hunted the forests along with mountain lions. The occasional big game hunter looking for a thrill would get a permit, but no such monsters really existed here. They were too afraid of us to venture to close to Forks.

"Wanna go?" Emmett asked examining the letter. "They went about three hundred miles east."

"Bear in trash problem," Alice whispered turning to look at me.

"Sure," I said and we all exited the house. We all piled into the jeep knowing it would be the best way to go through the rough terrain once we were there.

Carlisle made sure we didn't over hunt the predators in the area. We didn't want to impact the world in big ways, and a falling predator population would send the entire environment into a tailspin. On the way Emmett and Rosalie argued about the music we would listen to on our way. It really didn't matter with the speed at which we were traveling. It wouldn't take us too long to get to where we were headed. It still left Jasper regretting his decision not to drive and his attempts to enforce his own musical taste into the mix left him completely put out.

"Kids," he huffed. "They act like kids."

"They're in love," Alice pointed out offering Jasper a smile. "Just not in the way we are."

"Your music is lovely so there isn't a need to argue," he agreed smiling.

"You're just whipped," Emmett joked glancing an amused glare at Jasper through the rearview mirror. He smacked Rosalie's hand away when she attempted to change the channel again. She punched him causing a loud thudding sound. It made Emmett lose momentary control over the jeep and with tires screaming in pain he was able to maneuver back to the appropriate side of the road.

"Guys!" I hissed rolling my eyes. Neither of them looked apologetic. "You can wreck all the damn houses you want having sex, but don't scratch the jeep." Everyone turned to laugh at me and I just peered out the window at the trees. The speed wasn't the same to us, it just seemed like we were strolling down the road, but I knew we had to be going close to a hundred miles an hour. The jeep's engine was groaning, but it was a newer model so I wasn't too worried about it failing to get us to the hunting grounds.

"I wonder how many beds he'll break," Rosalie whispered glancing at me.

"I'm thinking zero," Emmett said grimacing in her direction. She just shook her head and turned completely around. She moved her hair back over her shoulder and let out a sigh.

"This weekend do you want to go with Alice and I to a gay bar in Seattle?" She asked shooting Alice a smile. Alice was shaking her head, looking put out by Rosalie. Then I glared at Alice who just looked down at her hands.

"Nice going Rosalie," Alice hissed. "Now he's determined not to go with us, if you would've just let me ease into the idea…"

"It wouldn't have mattered," I huffed crossing my arms. "Even if one of them fell madly in love with me I wouldn't turn them. It's not our place to be selfish."

"It is in our nature to want things though," Alice hummed grabbing my arm to comfort me. "And if they fall madly in love with you, then they'd want to be with you forever."

"Forever is too long a commitment for a human," I whispered wrinkling my nose into a snarl then turned and looked out the window again. The trees were getting thicker now so I knew we were closing in to our destination.

"Not for us, you don't know what its like," Alice pushed in her light nurturing tone. "When we find that perfect mate we want forever."

"Wow," I smirked rolling my black eyes. I was getting annoyed and felt the burning of my throat edging my instincts to keep control out of my mind. "What a way to make me feel better about spending all of forever alone."

"Then be selfish," Rosalie said, "and try to find someone with our help."

"And do what?" I growled firmly wishing that I had just kept my mind closed shut and safely away from them. "Get down on one knee and ask them to die?"

"How romantic," Emmett scoffed then roared into a fit of laughter. He was the only one that laughed.

"What idiot would want to be us, huh?" I asked and they all frowned knowing I was right. It would be completely selfish to force something like this onto a human; no matter how much love we had for one if the day came. We all were thankful on different levels to be here on earth, but regretting and still being here was part of that as well. All our families were dead and forgotten and we didn't really mourn them. We had to hide for the sake of not being turned into ashes by the Volturi. We tried to be civilized, but it was still difficult. We only were able to subdue our urge to take human life by killing animals. It was a dark world for us, and an even darker one for someone who wanted companionship, but didn't want to force such a price for it.

"I honestly don't hate it like the rest of you," Emmett said taking his hands off the wheel and flexing his muscles. "These guns are just for show, but I love being able to snap a huge tree in two."

"And I don't regret anything either," Alice said shrugging.

"That's because you don't know anything about your human life," I hissed and she shot me a look that told me I had crossed the line. She had long searched for clues and kept running short, she wanted to know who she was. It wasn't going to happen; even Carlisle's normally affective ways couldn't help her.

"You won't have to turn him," Rosalie stammered grimacing at the thought like I was. "A long and healthy life with someone you love isn't bad for a human."

"Lets not discuss me anymore," I said as the jeep came to a stop beside a black Mercedes. We were out of sight from the road and we followed the scent of Esme and Carlisle to the hunting grounds.

When we arrived they had already feasted and were just hiding the evidence or making it look as natural as possible. Carlisle was placing the dead grizzly in a natural position for one to die in. Esme never liked going after the predators so she stuck to deer and elk with the occasional moose when she hadn't fed for awhile. With her worrying over me she had stayed closer to home and I knew that. So when she was dragging the adult male moose deeper into the forest I sighed and forced the heavy discussions from the jeep out of my mind.

We separated then all following different scents. I was following the scent of a herd of elk that had been alerted by the killing Carlisle and Emse had done. I wasn't in the mood to really participate in the hunting action like I usually was. I could hear Jasper and Emmett laughing and the fearful growls of a bear in the distance.

"What a life," I whispered rolling my eyes. I came to a clearing where I found the Elk peacefully grazing. It was the calving season so I frowned searching the herd for a male not wanting to separate a mother from her calves. When I found a bull's scent I followed it around the Elk careful not to give away my presence, even if they sensed it through the changing wind. They didn't run from me, just snorted in my direction and looked for my form that was hidden by the tree line that surrounded them. They would be moving away from the area with the scent of us being so strong.

When I found the bull I mentally picked him up off the ground, he flailed his legs and let out screams that would've bothered me if I hadn't heard it all before. When it was in my reach I grabbed hold of the Animal's strong neck and bit into it and immediately my instincts took over. I wanted to fight the foreign taste, like we all did, but kept sucking the life out of the Elk that stopped struggling in my grasp as he lost the will to fight me. I could hear the strain on the heart and when it finally stopped I dropped the Elk not caring is someone stumbled upon it. The wolves would find it before any human here. Still thirsty I spotted a white tail deer running through the forest to my left. It had been spooked by the Elk's dying screeching and tried to get away from the area. Like the Elk I picked it up and brought it to me and sunk my teeth into the thinner neck. It didn't put up the fight the Elk did, being smaller. I almost felt bad for ending its fragile life. I concealed the second body a few hundred yards from the first not wanting to pile up the evidence. It would be weird for a Deer and an Elk to be killed in the exact same spot; the urge to protect the family winning out now that I wasn't thirsty.

I walked back to the small clearing in the thick forest, it wasn't much a clearing like the meadows we liked to relax and play baseball in. A few fallen trees during an ice storm caused this clearing and it wouldn't be long before the saplings grew to the giants that protected them. Everyone else was waiting for me to return to them all of them in better spirits after the hunting. Alice was busy lecturing Emmett and Jasper over the clothes that they mangled fighting the bear. I noticed that she had ripped her skirt. They were both smirking and staring at the rip, but didn't mention it.

"Alice you ripped your skirt," I commented and they both laughed. I smiled when she looked down and saw the rip for herself. She let an exasperated gasp escape then shot them both a look, giving up her moot argument.

"Ready to go home?" Carlisle asked putting his arm over Esme. Esme had given me a spirited smile when I joked with Alice, she was still getting used to me being a more prominent member in family life.

"Yeah let's go," Esme answered glancing in his direction. They led us back to the cars and we were on our way back home.

Unlike the ride home they left me to my thoughts and discussed things, divided into couples like they did from time to time. It was difficult to try and not notice the closeness they all shared with their partner. The constant yet comfortable hand holding and the seemingly endless conversations. They fought like any normal couple, but nothing seemed to break them. It was painful to watch sometimes knowing I didn't have it in me to try to find a mate. I wouldn't fall for some weak human. I wouldn't try to force my lifestyle on some naturally practicing vampire either, as they saw us as a myth anyway. Like it was only a matter of time before we all left our unusual diet to the natural one. Like it was our blessing and curse to prey on weaker humans, being the perfect predators that we were. I wouldn't want the daily judgment and the sickness I would have for a person like that. So I resigned myself to the impossible odds; there were just too many variables for me to find love.


	4. Chapter 4

FanFiction 4

The next morning I was watching the sunrise. It was odd to see it here in this part of Washington with the constant cloud cover. I knew we wouldn't be in classes today and I felt relieved that I didn't have to pursue Gym class, but sighed knowing I would be stir crazy all day. Not being able to be normal and in public on the rare sunny days meant that Alice would be planning something for us to do. I wasn't disappointed when she glided into my room and her reflection joined mine in the window. She was studying me though, not the sun. She had something planned and was thinking about the best way to bring it up with me.

"What is it Alice?" I asked and she looked skeptical. "Your face isn't difficult to read."

"Oh," she hummed looking up at the sunrise for the first time after joining me at the window.

"I'm not going to a gay bar," I stammered being reminded of the discussion that went on in the jeep yesterday.

"I know, you killed that plan," Alice sighed crossing her arms. "Or Rosalie did, loud mouth."

"When you stop working against me, I'll start being more agreeable," I said offering her a smile. She just shrugged her shoulders like she didn't believe me. It was a lie, I would never really submit to her will. I wasn't going to be her science experiment.

"I was thinking about a trip actually," she whispered. It had to be barely audible for me not to hear her, but she tried to conceal her voice anyway.

"A trip to where?" I asked raising an eyebrow and turning to face her. When she refused to meet my eyes I knew something bad had been planned out for me. Something that I would fight vehemently against and something that she wouldn't let drop until she got her way. It was difficult to say no to Alice, but not impossible and I was preparing myself for a fight. A fight that wouldn't end until the clouds returned.

"Well Jasper and I have been talking and you know we do like to travel," Alice rambled and I shot her a look to just tell me. She just shrugged it off though. "And we really do like to see where people grew up, you know. We've seen Rosalie's town and Edward's, along with the rest of the family."

"Absolutely not," I hissed realizing she wanted me to return to a place that I avoided after I made up my mind to stay away. It was difficult to stay away from there, my home. I knew that my parents were dead; no way they were still alive. I wouldn't be afraid of hurting them or letting them see me. I had been gone, lost as a run away. If it was earlier I could probably return and they not be in tune with the transformation I made.

"It's not like it's your home now," Alice defended her eyes narrower. She was prepared for the fight as well.

"I don't want to show you where I grew up," I stammered standing stone still.

"Oh let's stop this argument right now," Alice sighed. "I see you taking us."

"How?" I asked, "I never made up my mind to take you."

"But I know deep down you want to," she groaned knowing I had her in a lie. "So please take us, just Jasper and I."

"Why must you dive into my past?" I asked putting my hands firmly on her shoulders holding her there to face me. "I'm here and part of this family now."

"And we love you," Alice stated. "I just want to see it, please." The look she gave me flooded me with resolve. I looked to my side to see if Jasper was in the room forcing the feelings on me. It sucked not being able to determine if the feelings I felt were genuine. When I looked at her, she hadn't changed her demeanor. I couldn't find any hidden motives in her face either. She had all night to hide any though so I was naturally suspicious of my little sister.

"Right no tricks, ok?" I asked and she looked shocked.

"Never!" She exclaimed looking sheepish, even for her. "Not everything I do is to trick you into something."

"Fine," I said, "can we at least fly there I don't want to spend all day on the road."

"My thoughts exactly," she sang then waved three tickets in my face. She had them tucked in her shirt and I took one of them. "We must go before the sun intensifies."

"Ok, packing light," I sighed and went to my closet and took out my emergency clothes. They were all grouped together so I just grabbed a few of them and stuffed them in a bag. Alice frowned knowing that all of them would be wrinkled by the time I got around to changing clothes.

"The sun will last for two days here," Alice said. "Plenty of time to roam around Boston too."

"Not there," I hissed with a stern voice. "Never there."

"Come on," she said offering me a smile that soothed me. Jasper had been waiting outside my room. I gave him an unappreciative glance and he shrugged his shoulders claiming innocence. I knew he was just as guilty; it was in his nature to be curious. Alice may not have been the mastermind behind this one it was likely Jasper.

The trip to Maine seemed short, even to me. Being constantly awake made travel an easier task. What most people would groan about, we welcomed with ease. We had done our fair share of traveling and would look forward to a lot more as time passed. It was also nice of Alice to book first class so that we didn't have to be crammed. It was relaxing to share with just a few other people. They did give us a curious look when we boarded and took our seats. We all sat together, and I welcomed that Jasper and Alice would be talking the entire trip. I wanted to be left alone to get in control of my feelings about returning to a place I had only visited once after my transformation. Even that one time was out of necessity; I had worn out my clothes and didn't have the money to buy new ones. I wasn't about to become a night time common criminal, stealing what I needed. That kind of lifestyle I knew, would lead to other more dangerous things.

"Well we're here, Maine," Alice said stepping out into the cloudy sky. I looked up cursing the weather. I was hoping to be hidden away at our hotel room all day, but Maine was just a dreary as Washington for the most part. It was still cold here so people were in heavy coats and as I drove the rental car towards my hometown I noticed patchy snow on the ground.

"The scenery is nice," Jasper stated and I glanced at him as I sped down the highway wanting to get this over with.

"A lot less green," Alice added with a smile. "The dead of winter still."

"Yeah wouldn't like to get stuck in a freak early spring blizzard," I commented and they looked thoughtful.

"We told Esme two days," Alice said, "so we'd be walking home to keep her from worrying."

"We're immortal for the most part, why does she worry?" I asked rolling my eyes, but loving Esme's motherly nature.

"We're her babies," Alice answered, "you know how she mourns the death of her child still."

"Yes I'm aware," I stammered not liking that Esme mourned her loss after all these years. She almost ended her life because of her baby. She would most definitely put herself in that position again, protecting one of us. The thought of her frail looking body standing in front of a danger made me cringe.

When I turned into the road headed to my house, I made note of the differences that I could remember through the haze of all these years. There were a lot more mobile homes than before, which seemed to make the town looked doubled. Some homes were falling apart, being long abandoned by their owners. I was hopeful that my old home would be just a pile or rubble taken over by nature. There were also newer looking houses, but over all not much changed. There was still only one road that went through the small town. It connected as a short cut between small cities that a lot of people traveled through. It didn't take long before my old house came into view. I was surprised to still see it in great shape. All my hopes for a pile of rubble vanished though, but the improvements to the house made me curious as well.

It was a small two story house when I lived in it so long ago. Now it seemed to be a lot larger and it had a full deck on the front instead of a veranda. Someone had spent a lot of money improving a house like the one I remembered. They had even changed the paint that I vaguely remember my parents loving. It was once a sandy yellow house at the end of a long gravel road. Now it was a bright white that seemed to glow in the gloom of the cloudy day.

"Wow," Alice breathed when we parked the car. There wasn't any vehicle in the driveway. We had arrived at the perfect time to check out my home.

"Not like anything it used to be," I stated standing between her and Jasper examining the house. "Other than the general shape."

"You didn't expect it to be the same did you?" Alice asked and I thought she was regretting the trip now.

"I expected a pile of rubble underneath vines and dead weeds," I answered glancing in her direction. We all seemed to start walking at the same time up onto the deck and to the front door. Alice knocked on the door to make sure no one was there before she picked the lock. Breaking and entering was something that we didn't really worry about anymore. We wouldn't be there to take anything and if the family that lives here caught us now we could escape through one of the windows without much of a sound.

"Someone definitely lives here, I can smell a cat," Jasper said wrinkling his nose. "And its litter box."

"Yeah," I said smelling the intense ammonia smell that was probably barely noticeable to the human owners of the cat. I didn't have to lead the way to my old room, Alice had seen it my dreams and ignored all the new furniture and appliances in the kitchen and headed up the stairs and down the hall. Jasper and I followed and she turned the knob letting the door screech gently open.

"Not much has changed," she whispered looking at me. "The walls have been painted and new carpet."

"Your images are better than my memory," I commenting offering her a smile as we took in the room. It looked to belong to an older boy, probably one not much younger than our human ages. He was a huge sports fan with the posters on the wall and he had baseball trophies on shelves. Jasper examined them while Alice and I checked out the closet and the queen bed with light blue sheets that matched the carpet.

"Sorry, I thought it wouldn't have changed this much," Alice offered patting me on the shoulder.

"It would be worse if it had been the same Alice," I soothed. "This isn't my home after all, my home is just outside of Forks."

"Exactly," Jasper said joining us at the closet that was full of clothes a normal guy our age would wear. The smell of him was intense in his room, but I expected that. What I didn't expect was how alluring it was, not like any of the normal smells of people. I could smell his cologne, deodorant, as well as the smell of his skin on his bed.

"Do you smell him?" I asked stepping away from the closet feeling the heat rising in my throat making it feel tighter than before.

"Yeah," Alice answered. "Smells pretty good, but nothing I can't handle."

"Same for me," Jasper added and they both examined me with shared expressions. I wondered what they saw when they looked at me, but I just shook my head.

"Let's go look in the attic, maybe some of my old stuff will be there?" I suggested and walked out of the room and down the hall to the string that pulled down the steps leading to the attic. The stairs glided down absent of any screeching and I led the way up them. The ceiling was slanted, but we could all stand comfortably and walk around with out fear of hitting our heads against the wood. It wouldn't have hurt, but there was a lot of room to move.

"Pull up the stairs Jasper," Alice ordered in her gentle voice. "I don't want us to be surprised."

"Right," Jasper said and did as she asked. It would've been a strained task for any human to pull up the heavy stairs while inside the attic. He made it look effortless and when we were in the dark of the attic he pulled the chain that turned on the hanging light.

There were boxes all over the attic, but it looked organized by seasons. There were decorations for Christmas to the right of the entrance. The tree was plastic and in the box on the bottom. The other boxes were labeled tree decorations and lights. Then there were Easter and birthday decorations in boxes on the other side of the entrance. Most of the boxes were of odd stuff the family probably didn't use, but wasn't able to throw away. Memories that would be guided by the things in the boxes, but none of them belonged to me that I could see on the entrance side of the attic.

It was Alice that found the meager sized boxes off to the far corner covered in dust. They didn't have a label so she didn't waste any time ripping the ancient looking tape from the cardboard. They were in such a dark corner the boxes would've been easily overlooked. Jasper and I joined her as she started rummaging through the largest box, pulling things out that I did remember from my childhood.

"These are yours," she said smiling at me as she held up an old family portrait. "Your mother was so pretty."

"Thanks," I said as she handed the picture to me and I looked it over. My mother's big hair sprayed beehive looking hair was something I never could forget. She also was a tall, thin woman. Taller than my dad by an inch, but with her hair she looked like she towered over him by a few inches more. It was when she had it down after a shower that I thought it was most beautiful. The dark black hair that I shared with her and the striking blue eyes that I no longer had seemed so far removed, but familiar at the same time. It was a difficult sensation to think through as I stared at the picture.

"Hey they put out missing person reports," Jasper stated picking up a stack of flyers with my picture and physical description.

"Oh!" Alice gasped snatching one of the flyers from the stack. I took one too and examined it closer. They were the color of office notepads and had a grainy picture of me on it. Mom likely made them, but they wouldn't really be clear enough to pick the person in the picture out in a crowd. It would've been unlikely that these flyers would've led to finding me, if I had stayed in the area. No one had ever approached me with the assumption and I had wondered if my parents had searched. This evidence didn't set my mind at ease though, thinking they had a lot of years to mourn, but not know what really happened to me. I had hoped they gave up the search and moved on.

Jasper and Alice were still looking over the flyers when I started looking through the box for myself. I found photo albums that I ignored, because underneath them were news clippings of my disappearance along with Massachusetts's news reports of a string of unsolved murders and missing persons. I wondered if this had given them closure. Some kind of ill rest that I wasn't going to come back to them, but the reports made me angry remembering the night that I was taken into the wooded park.

"Alice did they mourn me?" I asked hoping that she had some answers for me.

"I wouldn't know," she answered in a tight tone. She hated not being able to give answers like this. I should've realized that she wouldn't be able to know that, she had never been connected to their thoughts and decisions. The deadly immortal part of me fought against the sadness trying to take over my thoughts. We couldn't outwardly cry, but the pain we felt was intense. If I allowed myself to mourn making my parents' lives miserable – it would be something that would linger with me forever.

"They're not suffering now Sterling," Jasper comforted probably feeling the distress I was in. He rested his hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before letting it drop back down to his side.

"So these unsolved murders lead me to believe your creator didn't slow down," Alice whispered putting down one of the newspapers. "There are clippings and dates for decades, but Carlisle and us were never aware."

"Some news just doesn't reach across the country," I offered not really wanting to think about all the damage one vampire could do living naturally.

"Its likely she moved on," Jasper said. "No way could she hide like this forever the Volturi wouldn't let numbers of unexplained deaths rise like this."

"Would they really do that?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Force someone to relocate?"

"Suspicions travels faster than news," Jasper answered frowning. "A few of her bodies were found."

"Oh," I said, "no one ever found me."

"And we all know its better they didn't," Jasper countered gently. "We would've definitely been outed."

"Yeah," I said shaking the thought from my head. Alice let out a gasp and looked at me, but then settled down when the vision of me being destroyed was pushed out of my head. "Sorry Ally."

"You do have quite the imagination," she groaned punching me in the arm. "No more death visions from you, please."

We turned back to the large box, but it had been looked through. Alice reached for one of the smaller boxes, the smallest of the three. Jasper opened the middle sized one and I waited impatiently for them to show me what was in there. Jasper held up a brown teddy bear. I wanted to blush when he gave me a smirk, but I knew that stuffed animal. It was the last remaining survivor of the stuffed animals given to me when I was born. It had gone missing until I was fifteen years old. Mom gave it to me on my birthday, when she thought it was safe in my possession. She had always been sentimental. I cherished that bear and put it on a shelf for safekeeping in my room and looked at it often.

"Letters," Alice stammered holding up sealed envelopes with my name on it. Some of them were college acceptance letters. I grimaced not feeling the need to open those, but the last one she gave me was a personal letter written in blue ink. It was a soft pen-stroke with a neat, but small font. It was addressed to me, but just with my name. My throat got tight when I realized that Mom had written to me.

"I don't want it…" I hissed pushing it back into her grasp.

"You're going to have me read it?" Alice asked her eyes wide, afraid of reading it herself. "I don't really want to."

"Please?" I asked my face in a tight grimace.

"There's some things in the envelope," she said ignoring my plea for her to read it. She gently ran her fingernail through the top of the envelope, opening it. I watched her as she shook the open envelope letting the contents fall into her hand. What I saw was a ring that I had bought Mom for mother's day. I couldn't really remember when I had bought it, but I recognized the birthstone in the middle of the small diamonds. It was a light blue with a hint of green. I couldn't remember what month it stood for though. "You were born in March."

"Oh," I commented taking the ring from her and slipping it into my pocket for safe keeping. There was also a necklace, a golden horseshoe pendant. It was her lucky charm and she liked horses. Alice handed me this as well and I put it around my neck. It wasn't something a man would wear, but I felt the desire to wear it for a while. I would have to take it off, our active hunting trips and games aren't good for fragile jewelry. When she opened up the letter I noticed the same soft blue penmanship in neat lines. It was written on notebook paper. Alice looked at me again, hoping that I wouldn't make her read it. Her and Jasper shared a pained look and I was about to take the papers from her hands to read it myself. She cleared her voice and held the letter strong in her hands.

"Dear Son," she started and I leaned forward making sure I caught every word. I felt weaker than I ever had in all my existence in this house. Now the letter I imagined being my death. The one thing I'd never get over.

"Someone is here," Jasper interrupted hissing as he took the letter from Alice and put it back into the envelope. He put his finger to his lips when Alice wanted to protest. It was then we heard the front door close and the sound of a single heavy pair of shoes walking over the hardwood floors in the living room. We all sat silently in the triangle with the boxes in the center. We heard the phone dial and the voice explaining our car to someone on the other end of the line. We suspected that the young sounding man had called the police. There was a shakiness of his voice, so we all knew without smelling him or the ability to hear his heartbeat that he was scared.

"Do you think we can get out without him knowing?" I asked turning to Jasper, who was used to this sort of tricky maneuvering.

"Let's see if he leaves," Jasper answered. "He's scared and sounds younger."

"What if he comes looking?" Alice asked and I felt the urge to stand and prepare myself for running if the attic door was to open.

"We're in the attic," Jasper said looking around. He did stand up and turn off the light leaving us in darkness, even though we could see just as well. Alice and I stood as well, just as silently as Jasper had. Alice would be the only one able to walk around the attic without being detected. She had soft-soled shoes on while I had on a pair of boots.

"He's decided to leave," Alice whispered with a smile. "The police told him to wait in his car at the end of the driveway."

"Ok," I said and we waited for him to walk across the floor to the front door. When we heard the door open and close Jasper walked over and let the attic stairs fall. This time they did screech and we all waited for any sign of us being detected. He led the way down the attic stairs. I pushed them back up and held the string to steady it. There wouldn't be a lot of evidence to put us in the house, other than our scent. Only dogs would be able to follow it though. We wouldn't be taking anything they knew about so we hoped there wouldn't be an ongoing investigation.

"What will we do about the car?" Alice asked when we stood in the living room. The scent matched the scent in the bedroom that used to belong to me. It was strong and I felt the same urge rushing through my body making its home in my throat. I didn't understand my lack of control around the scent, it was nothing I had felt before. I had been so careful when I was new to stay away from people. Over the decades the scent was still alluring, but I could control it. Here though in this room if we were to be surprised I didn't know if I could control myself.

It was when we all heard movement behind the curtains we got scared. We didn't see any feet hiding and was relieved when a large yellow cat jumped from the window to the floor. Its paw prints thudded against the hardwood as it frantically darted around the living room looking for an escape. Animals were instinctively afraid of us, we didn't smell like humans and when Alice stepped out of its way it bolted into the kitchen then up the stairs to the second story.

"The car will be left it's a rental and I used a false name," Jasper explained as he started looking around the first level for a second door. I already knew there was only one exit other than the windows. Growing up I had a terrible time sneaking out to go to parties and barely made it out without getting caught. Now though we had advantages, but we still hesitated.

"Jasper he's coming back!" Alice screeched and we all darted into the kitchen. We all heard the car door open and slam shut as we opened the window in the kitchen. Alice was through the window when the front door opened. He seemed to be moving faster than us. Jasper didn't move towards the window and when I did he put his hand on mine. Then Alice appeared in the window again, climbing through.

"What are you doing?" I asked turning to Jasper.

"I felt something with you earlier," Jasper whispered then he looked away from me to the entrance to the kitchen.

There stood a guy I couldn't physically recognize, but the scent instantly invaded my nostrils aided by the breeze from the open front door and the open kitchen window. It had forced the air to move through the house and I felt my body wanting to launch toward him. Alice put firm hands on both my shoulders and shot Jasper an angry look. She forced me to turn my back to him.

"Jasper how could you?" Alice growled pushing me toward the window. I could've easily resisted her, but I knew if I did I would kill the innocent guy standing by the kitchen table.

"What the hell are you three doing in my house?" He snapped and I glanced over my shoulder to look at him. "And don't even think about leaving, I'll shoot."

"No need," Jasper stated in a flat voice. "We were just checking out the house, you see someone we knew used to live here."

"No one lived here before me for a very long time," the guy argued waving the small handgun in his hand. He didn't advance or aim it directly at us. His heart was racing, which heightened my instinct to drink his blood.

"We didn't take anything," Alice said letting go of my shoulders, but putting herself bravely between me and a direct path to the guy.

"You didn't have time," the guy pushed now aiming the gun at Alice. Jasper let a growl rumble through his lips. It scared the guy and he turned all his attention to Jasper. He was more frightened now than he was before. "Don't move."

"Can't you just let us leave?" Alice asked gently. "We won't be back."

"The police should be here momentarily, you can leave with them," he responded his voice shaking.

"We can leave when we want to," I hissed still with my back turned to him. "We just don't want to cause you any trouble."

"Shut the fuck up!" The guy yelled waiving the handgun around again. He started pacing, obviously regretting his decision to return to the house.

"We're not criminals we just wanted to see where someone grew up," Alice explained again trying to calm him. It wasn't working, but I could feel Jasper struggling to calm himself down enough to alleviate the tension in the room. He wasn't having much success and the urge to kill the man was growing more intense with each waft of air that hit my face. I wanted to reach up and cover my nose with my shirt and hand, but the movement would've had him shooting. The lack of blood and damage to our bodies would give us away.

"I'm going to turn around," I announced putting my arms in the air. I slowly turned around to face him completely.

Then we could hear the sirens screaming down the gravel road. The guy looked relieved and when he turned his back to us Jasper and Alice launched themselves at him. They knocked the gun out of his hands then slid him across the hardwood floor to the open front door. They both turned back to me and I was already jumping out of the window. I didn't wait for them, I could hear them hit the ground when I was about to the tree line. I only stopped when I was a few yards into the woods and waited for them to get to where I was.

"Jasper!" Alice growled pushing him to the forest floor.

"How could you do that?" I asked wanting to pick him up and throw him against the largest tree I could find. I wanted to hurt him for what he had done. It wasn't like Jasper to be this careless; he was always looking for strategies to keep us safe and secretive.

"Alice," he pleaded with his hands dismissively in the air. "The guy is for Sterling."

"You were going to let Sterling kill him?" Alice asked not understanding Jasper. I was just as confused by him, but Alice had let him stand.

"You know when I first saw you Alice, your smell and everything about you aroused me," Jasper stammered. I watched her smile and look away all the anger easing out of her system and it wasn't because Jasper was forcing it either. Then she seemed to understand him completely and looked thoughtfully towards me.

"Finding someone was easier than I thought," Alice beamed and I shook my head.

"I wanted to kill the guy not kiss him," I declared still shaking my head not wanting the thoughts to come back to mind. It took a lot of focus to leave the house and keep running towards the forest. I was definitely going to kill him and drink his blood there wasn't any denying that. I didn't want to return to that house and kill him, but I felt the urge fight against the decision. It was painful, the urge to feed was never so strong as it was right now, like I had been starved and this was my first ever meal. The fact that we had all just fed the night before wasn't strong enough to deter me. If this is what love felt like in our world, I wanted no part in it. The longing I felt to the core of my body was a lot easier to manage than what I felt in that kitchen.


	5. Chapter 5

Fan Fiction 5 Acceptance of Fate

We had to dodge the police as they searched the woods for any sign of us running in here. They even brought search dogs, but we traveled through the forest by jumping from tree to tree. It was too far above the ground for the dogs to get our scent and when it was dark the police gave up. Alice told us that they decided to leave two agents out in front to watch over the house. They tried to persuade the guy that lived in the house to take his cat and stay with a friend until they investigated the house better. To let time pass to make sure we wouldn't return to the house.

"What about the evidence we left in the attic?" Alice asked as we sat in a large pine tree.

"If they found it they would be able to match the picture to my description," I hissed glaring again at Jasper. The anger came and went with every thought that passed through my mind. It would take a while for me to forgive Jasper, but I still loved him. The urge to protect family outweighed my anger.

"I'll go," Jasper whispered feeling guilty about the entire scene he created in the kitchen. He never apologized for it though and I suspect that he still wanted to get me close to the guy again. He obviously believed the young man that owned the house was my mate. My singer; the one person that I could love completely if I ever got over the urge to drink their blood.

"No Jasper," Alice protested her eyes narrowing. "He's not left his house, we can wait until morning."

"The police will find the evidence," Jasper countered. He was gentle with her, but stern. He didn't want an argument, he was back to being the strategist.

"I'll go then," I whispered not really wanting to. I took off my heavy boots and handed them to Jasper to hold for me. Alice didn't protest me going, which relieved me and annoyed me at the same time. I was relieved knowing she wouldn't let me go if she saw that I was going to hurt him. I had made up my decision that I was going to keep my distance. I was annoyed because she was willing to risk my safety over Jasper's or something else was on her mind. She didn't smile or give me anything to read when I studied her before I let myself drop from the tree with a hollow thud.

I walked a straight path from the tree we were hiding out in to the tree line. The house was completely dark except for a light coming from the living room. The police kept their distance out in their cruiser, but I carefully walked in the darkness to the back side of the house careful to stay away from any window that could give me away. The moonless night, covered by clouds helped my pursuit. No one would be able to see me dart around as I looked for a place to climb the house without being detected. The house was two stories, on one side. The side that led to my old part of the house so I mentally lifted myself to the first story roof then I jumped to the second story. I was completely on top and I knew from my old memories that the attic had a vent window that opened to let the hot summer air out to keep the house cooler. So I hovered away from the roof down by the vent and pulled it open. It screeched and I cringed hoping he didn't hear it. I waited for any sign of movement and when everything was still I reached through the small crack. The window didn't open wide enough for anyone to move through it so I reached with my other hand into my pocket. I found my pocket knife that I kept, I never had a use for it until now, but I was thankful I didn't leave it at home and went through the hassle at customs to get it passed for the flight.

I used the knife to unscrew the hinges and when the window released completely I set it down gently and climbed through the window. The urge to look for the guy was trying to take over my instincts when I stood in the attic. His scent was weak in the attic, but that didn't matter. I had already placed the scent with a body and now even the slightest breeze in the attic flooded me with him. I couldn't hear his heart beat from where I was, so I had no way of knowing where he was in the house . I should've asked Alice, but knowing could've ended badly.

I walked over to the three boxes left open. I found the letters and pictures first then the flyers that had my missing persons description on it. I wanted to rip up all the flyers right there, the image of my parents searching for me still bothered me. Then I found my teddy bear. The rest of the stuff couldn't be linked to me and weren't important. Most of my stuff had been removed from the house, but this I wondered why any of it was left behind by my parents. I thought that this stuff would've been the most difficult to leave behind, but then the most difficult to look at forever as well. Maybe they had left them there to stop being reminded of me in such delicate ways.

Movement in the living room stirred me from where I was standing then. The pair of footprints walked slowly through the living room to the kitchen and up the stairs. I held still as a marble statue fearing that I had given myself away. Then I could hear his heart beat and I bit hard on my lower lip my hands trembling causing the contents to bounce and slide around in my arms. The papers made a ruffling noise and I almost dropped the flyers trying to get hold of myself. Then I heard the cat hissing and darting around the hallway. He was talking to it trying to calm it down. The cat had smelled me in the attic again and our scent drove it insane. I could hear his heart begin to race and then I heard him rumbling through a drawer.

It was when I heard the gun cock I started moving, no longer caring if he heard me. I ran to the window and when the attic stairs fell revealing light I glanced to see his head come into view. His scent took over the room, but I didn't stop this time, I jumped out of the window and when my feet hit the ground I steadied myself before running into the woods closest to the house. He yelled out of the window at the police, but I was already back to where Alice and Jasper had been waiting. When they saw me running they jumped from the tree and followed me as we went deeper into the forest.

We didn't stop until we hit an open field through the other side of the forest. We were likely near the Canadian border. No one would've been able to keep up with our pace, not even if they had the aid of search dogs. I dropped the flyers into the ground and searched around for two rocks that I could spark a fire with. There was only dead grass, but I was relieved when Jasper reached into his pocket and pulled out a small yellow lighter. He lit one flyer then placed it on the rest. We all watched the evidence of me burn into ashes. We then dug a hole in the field and dumped them into it, covering it up. I kept the letter, pictures, and bear feeling slightly attached to them now that they were in my possession.

"How did you get caught?" Jasper asked as he held on to my shoulder while I put on my socks and boots.

"The cat," I answered rolling my eyes. "Animals and their senses."

"I would like cats if they weren't so afraid of us," Alice commented and I looked at her stifling a laugh.

"Just snacks to me," Jasper shrugged. "Although cats don't taste all that pleasant when they're domesticated."

"You've tasted cat?" I asked wrinkling my nose. One had to be desperate to feed on something that small and unappealing. The wild untouched blood was the only thing I would try. The wild predatory taste was most appealing; we could taste the power, even in their blood. They were also more challenging to kill than humans would be so our instincts are still getting practiced.

"How are we going to get home?" Alice asked interrupting the conversation. I picked up the stuff and waited for Jasper to answer her question. He was already looking thoughtful so I didn't want to say anything. I was just happy that we weren't going to go to Boston to see the place where I was turned. I wasn't ready for that, none of us were really as it was such a dark and physically agonizing transition – the place was almost just as haunting.

"We forgot our luggage," Jasper growled. I didn't think our luggage was that important, but when I looked down I saw that my pants were ripped from running through the forest at our speed. Jasper and Alice were just as disheveled so we would stand out in public.

"So I guess we're popping a ride," Alice hummed excitedly. This was her specialty and she loved a chance to drive a car she liked, but never drove before.

"Don't expect to find many Ferraris in Maine Alice," I prodded and she looked upset for a second.

"We could go buy new clothes," Alice suggested liking the idea just as much. Jasper didn't like the idea of being around public places though. Two break-ins in the same house, especially after being caught would look brazen. The police would be making us into front page news of at least the local papers. Telling people to lock their doors and be on the look out for three young travelers with pale skin and dark eyes. Not many people would match the descriptions. We would have to be as careful as possible.

"Stealing a car is out of the question, looks like we're catching a train," Jasper whispered and Alice and I groaned. "At least to get us out of Maine and away from the north east."

"Then I can steal a car?" Alice asked as we started following Jasper.

"If we must," Jasper answered not wanting to excite Alice about the chance to show off her grand theft auto skills.

It was daylight before we found a town that had a train station. We then had to wait until the night before we stowed onto a freight that we overheard was traveling to Iowa. That would take us almost halfway back home so when the train was loaded we slipped into the back car. It had canned goods from some canning company that would be distributed throughout the grocery stories in Des Moines. We would have to leave the train before it entered the state capital.

The ride was agonizingly long with nothing for us to do. Jasper and Alice were off to the corner talking. I could still hear them, but I wanted to give them all the privacy I could in the cramped train car. We could barely move with all the boxes and if we wasn't used to this, we could easily become claustrophobic. The letter seemed to burn a hole in my marble colored hand as I rubbed my finger over the envelope. I still hadn't been able to read it, and Alice would refuse if I asked her again. It took a lot for her to decide to read it the first time. Jasper would read it, but the coldness of his voice could do more damage than me reading it to myself. It could also be an extremely private letter than I wouldn't want anyone knowing about. Though with them being part of my thoughts I wouldn't be able to hide it.

"You're going to read it," Alice whispered and when I looked up at her she was looking at me. She offered me a smile then turned back to Jasper who had looked to be in mid sentence when she turned to talk to me. He glanced at me and offered me a crooked, but careful smile as well. I looked down at the letter then played with the ripped opening for a few seconds then peered into the envelope with careful eyes. Then I put it to my nose and I could smell Alice, but mixed with an old foreign faint perfume. It was my mother's old perfume I guessed. Alice wouldn't be caught in something so old. Jasper didn't like her perfumes either so she only wore them on special occasions. I realized that my mother had held out hope still. That I would find this letter and read it, that I wasn't dead. That did give me courage to at least take the letter out of the envelope. I could smell the perfume a lot better now as I put the letter to my nose and when I flipped it open I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. The sense of smell triggers the most vivid memories for us so I was instantly taken back to the time when she wore this fragrance. She had gotten it as an anniversary gift from a friend of the family. It was during a party right before I was heading to Boston. I had liked the fragrance and complimented her when she wore it. I remember telling her that I wouldn't be able to forget it either. I was right, even if I didn't care for the fragrance now, didn't forget it. I turned the letter around and started down at the opening that Alice had already read. The two words that burned deep into my body that it was almost painful.

"Dear Son," I whispered to myself still staring at the blue ink on the blue stripped notebook paper. The paper was stiff and the creases wanted to snap the piece of paper back into its folded state. "I know you're not dead, it would be something a mother would just be able to sense. They call me crazy when I say something like that and it makes your father mad. I will never give up trying to find you, but your father and I can no longer take care of this big house. We're old; you would be in your late thirties by now. We will be staying at your Sister's house. Yes, you have a sister Jocelyn, we adopted like we always said we would but kept putting off until you went missing. We haven't replaced you so don't be thinking that. We don't know where you are, but our love for you will never grow faint. I hope wherever you've been you're safe and happy. Love, Mom."

It seemed formal and distant. It didn't hurt me as much as I thought. The knowledge of having a sister was surprising. I was glad that they had adopted someone to keep them company and at least replace some of their thoughts with loving a daughter instead of searching for a son. They had moved away and didn't die in the house and that was strangely comforting too. I had wondered if they had held out on my return until they died – and maybe they had, but leaving the home before they died in it was comforting. The mystery sister could still be alive, but I never would bring myself to locate her.

"We're just outside of Des Moines," Alice said appearing beside me. I was unaware of how long I had been staring at the letter. I hadn't read it, but the one time but it wanted to commit the letter to memory. Jasper led the way opening the last car and climbed out. The train was still traveling at top speed and even we hesitated after looking around for the logical way of jumping from a moving train.

"Ready to fly?" I asked clutching the teddy bear and letter in my hands. Alice looked excited and I lifted the three of us into the air, the breeze from the train leaving us swept over our body and carried us a few yards until I released my hold on us.

"Very useful bro," Jasper offered as we followed the train station into Des Moines. We planned to duck into the woods when we got closer to the state capital. No one would be traveling along the track this early morning. The sun was just rising, we had spent the rest of the day and most of the night steadily traveling from Maine. Even though we could sit in one spot forever, none of liked being unable to move around for a long amount of time. We all felt the need to stretch our legs so we traveled quickly, darting into the woods when we caught up to the train – passing it.

When we were just outside of Des Moines, it was clear out and the orange sky gave way to blue. The sun had intensified, so we nestled down in a thicket away from any road or building. We could hear the people getting the day started in the mid-western state. Cars soon could be heard on the high way and children were going to school after being picked up by the busses. It was a lot more than Forks, it would be difficult to maneuver here, but none of us liked being out in the sunlight. It made us uneasy, even on hunting trips. One look at us in the daytime would be enough to give us away. There wouldn't be any doubt that we were different.

"What now?" Alice whispered scanning our surroundings. It was a cold morning and the grass was dead. The thickness of the thicket wouldn't conceal us when the sun got overhead, the shadows of early morning is what hid us. So we would have to move soon.

"I hate to encourage you my dear, but you must steal a car," Jasper answered shaking his head frowning. Alice smiled uneasily, still looking around.

"Then I should go alone," Alice said giving Jasper another uneasy smile. He didn't protest like I had expected him to and when she was gone I really didn't want to be left alone with Jasper. It would be the first time since the kitchen scene and it still played vividly on my thoughts.

"I want to apologize," Jasper whispered then coughed like he was clearing his throat. It was difficult for him to apologize, he was so careful with the way he acted and thought. He didn't hurt other people, he hated the feelings he felt when he did.

"Nothing happened," I offered forcing a smile. "You were just trying to help anyway, and I wasn't ready to face facts."

"About him being…" Jasper trailed off seeming to struggle with the definition of what the guy would be to me.

"Yeah," I said completing the sentence in my mind. We shared an awkward smile then he scooted closer to me in the thicket.

"Are you in pain?" Jasper asked in a whisper that was barely even audible for me to hear.

"Can't you feel what I feel?" I asked wanting to change the subject.

"I can feel it, I just want confirmation," he responded reaching with his hand, sliding it around my shoulders until his arm was draped over me. He pulled me closer to him and I could feel a calmness wash over my body. The heat in my throat subsided a lot and I felt my shoulders slump.

"I feel like I just want to go back," I stammered grimacing. "And kill him or something."

"Sometimes we get confused about what we really want," Jasper said sounding a lot like Carlisle. Maybe they had had a similar conversation before, being just about as new to the family as I was. He had struggled the most, giving up human blood for animal. It showed mostly when he was in a room full of beating human hearts. We didn't like to push Jasper into situations like that, but he insisted he needed to get used to them just like the rest of us. He also wanted to be around Alice as much as possible and that meant going to school with her.

"What?" I asked glaring at him. "Carlisle riddles do nothing for me Jasper, but give me headaches."

"Well have you ever thought that the beating heart is what triggers your instinct to feed and not him?" Jasper asked and I still was completely confused. "If you could get over the smell and sound of him, you could love the rest of him."

"Or kill him," I countered wanting to scoot away from Jasper and end the conversation. He had his feelings still controlling me though and they held me there. They were comforting and he knew that we could only have this discussion with him doing this to me.

"Yes or that I suppose," Jasper agreed with a slight chuckle. I shot him a look and he looked apologetic, but still amused. "You have control Sterling, a lot better control than I do."

"I'm not going back Jasper," I argued and he met my eyes. The calm feeling intensified and I felt what I imagined being drunk felt.

"Some things we can't choose Sterling," Jasper stated his voice careful. "He will haunt you until you see him again. You will feel the need to be close to him grow every minute you're apart, you're feeling it now, I know."

"Right," I scoffed, "stop trying to help me Jasper."

"Fine," Jasper hissed. "Sorry I tried." He released his feelings when his arm slid off my shoulders. He moved to the other side of the small thicket glaring at me until I diverted my attention to the ground we were sitting on. I could make out individual specks of sand and organisms moving around. Spring was on its way in Iowa, the dead weeds and grass will be replaced by green grass. This thicket would leave out and be completely impenetrable to most things.

Jasper had been right about me though. I didn't want to accept his judgment on what my options were. I had lived a long time without falling in love and I didn't even know what that felt like. Jasper seemed to think it was what I felt in the bedroom of my old house – in my old room. All I felt was the need to feed, we all knew what that felt like. I needed to convince myself of that and make it factual. I wasn't going to go back to that house. The heat in my throat seemed to intensify every moment I decided that I wasn't going to go back. The longer I sat the worse it got and it wasn't something I could control. Jasper thought I was strong, he didn't know me that well though. I was weak if I returned to him.

I caught myself looking over my shoulder in the direction of Maine. I shot a sideways glance at Jasper who was studying me intensely. He knew he was right and I didn't have much ground for argument. He told me that Alice seemed to be brought right to him, and she confirmed his thoughts when she saw him coming to her. They knew almost instantly that they were meant to live forever together. They were equal though, both transformed. They didn't have the appeal of a beating heart or blood racing tantalizingly through veins in various speeds depending on mood. It was like I could still hear it, the strength at which his heart beat. The speed of it when he realized someone was in the attic. The anger and fear, mostly fear that was so alluring to me. I wanted to take that fear away and put his mind at rest. It was the blood that stopped me. The blood that made my lips curl over my teeth and invaded my nostrils and wreaked havoc on my body.

A motor could be heard roaring down the road, I welcomed the intrusion and knew it was Alice arriving to retrieve us. Jasper and I stood to see a bright red Honda. It wasn't sporty like she wanted, but the windows were tinted. We didn't hesitate getting into the car and when the doors closed she whipped the car back around and sped through the state capital. She turned up the music, seeming to sense the sullen mood in the car. The music wasn't a distraction from what Jasper had said to me earlier though. I couldn't be angry with him anymore; he was right about what I was feeling. What he didn't realize though, was that I wasn't going to let it haunt me. I had decided that, and over time it would fade just like any other memory we had.

It was in the middle of the night when we returned home. Carlisle and Esme were surprised to see us. They were worried when we stepped through the door with tattered and dirt stained clothes. Esme rushed to our side and I could see her eyes ticking over our forms seemingly counting the number of fingers we had. When she was satisfied that we were all in one piece she offered us an uneasy smile with a cocked eyebrow. I could see the mother struggling to come out in her completely. If we didn't explain ourselves within the next few seconds she would start lecturing. Alice seemed to sense this, or saw it playing out in Esme's thoughts. She smiled and stepped away from the doorway taking Esme's hand.

"We had the most interesting trip," Alice beamed like nothing bad happened to us at all. "Maine is a glorious place, about as dark as Forks."

"Maybe we'll relocate someday," Carlisle offered taking a seat in the chair in the living room. Jasper sat beside Alice and I closed the door opting to stand. I didn't really want to stick around for the conversation. I would have to go far away to escape it though and I would still be asked questions later.

"Sterling's old home is lovely and we found boxes left by his human parents," Alice continued and that's when I clutched the bear closer to my body trying to conceal it in my tattered shirt.

"I kept the necklace, the bear, a picture and a letter," I explained reaching with one hand to reveal the necklace that my mother hand worn. They all were smiling at the trinkets I carried.

"That's nice Sterling," Esme said smiling warmly. I walked over and sat them all down on the living room table. They took turns lifting the picture and looking at the small family portrait. They looked at me and complimented my Mother's beauty, just like Alice had. I felt proud that they approved, but the time that had passed stifled what should've been a more poignant moment.

"Then Sterling met his la tua cantante," Alice chattered and then Esme was looking up at me with blazing golden eyes. She had a wide smile that I wanted to run away from completely.

"If that's what that was, I don't want it," I growled. "Thanks for spilling the whole story Alice."

"We are a family dear," Esme soothed standing up, but keeping her distance when I backed away from her.

"Then please help me forget about the guy," I stammered looking down at my muddy boots. I felt ashamed that I was this weak in front of my family. "I don't think I can take the torture."

"You can't mess with that sort of thing," Esme argued gently. "You can't simply forget it, I don't want you to."

"Why the hell not?" I cussed and started pacing the living room. Rosalie and Emmett walked down the stairs and into the living room. They looked ready to hold me down, fearing an outburst.

"Because my two sons have been waiting for far too long," Esme sighed still unable for stop smiling. "Sterling when you told what you felt, I worried intensely over what to do."

"Help me forget it," I pleaded, "worry about that if anything, not me being alone I can take that."

"Cold feet bro?" Emmett asked walking to me and getting in my way. I stopped pacing to glare at him. I couldn't see any underlying humor in his expression, which kept me from punching him. This suddenly felt like an intervention and I wanted to escape from the house completely.

"I should've never told you," I hissed pushing my way past Emmett.

"I agree, I think its best he stays away from the human," Rosalie said as I entered my room. I could still hear them discussing me.

"Thanks Rosalie," I offered as I loaded up my computer to lose myself in a game.

"And suffer forever, he's family," Esme argued. "We can help him overcome this if he's just willing."

"We'll give it a few days," Carlisle stated in a flat tone. He sounded most like a father in this tone, even though it was more a direct order instead of a fatherly gesture. "We're not certain of anything as it is, the trip would've been completely overwhelming for him."

Carlisle's words did ease my mind; he was talking louder than he usually did. He wanted me to hear them and I smiled. What I felt in that house could've just been a lot of overwhelming aspects swirling around in my mind, a phase that could disappear and soothe my strain over time, which is what we had infinite amounts.


	6. Chapter 6

Acceptance of Fate 6

I knew it was coming as soon as the sun slowly slid above the tree line into the clear sky. It was going to be another clear day, a rarity for Forks. I had been hoping over night for clouds to come back as I went hunting. Getting back from Maine, I had to hunt more it seemed I couldn't really satiate myself. They did leave me alone like Carlisle said, but it wasn't like I couldn't hear them talking about me anyway. I tried to tune them out with music, but with our hearing abilities – even music failed to drown the discussions.

"Good morning Sterling," Esme greeted from the doorway. She would be the only one to defy Carlisle.

"Good morning," I said returning her smile uneasily. She stayed in the doorway, leaning against it with her arms crossed over her chest. She seemed so motherly this way.

"You went hunting last night," she stated finally walking into my room. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little," I lied forcing a smile.

"Carlisle's option to relocate to a more suitable place is still open you know," Esme pointed still smiling with her arms crossed. "Me, you, and him, we can send your transfer papers to a new school."

"I'm not leaving," I countered feeling the intensity returning. I swallowed trying to get it to subside, but it never worked. The thought of him made it excruciatingly obvious to me. It wasn't going to subside until I was drinking his blood. It was like I needed the closure of his death to get over the feeling. I didn't want to debate on the act though. Killing him to find peace within myself would be too easy for me to consider right now if I let myself.

"Maybe you should join your brother in Denali," Esme offered trying to help me. Her smile faltered when she suggested I leave the house for Canada, like Edward. She wouldn't be able to help us that far away.

"Is that why he left?" I asked my eyes narrowed.

"No one knows," Esme answered reassuringly. "Not even Alice."

"Playing mind games like me then," I hissed grimacing. I felt the annoyance of not knowing what was bothering him and I wondered if I caused the same feelings when I distanced myself from the rest of them. Esme was about to speak again, but Alice came bounding into the door. Esme had to get out of her way, they did an awkward, but fast dance and Alice took her place directly in front of me. Her eyes were black and she looked concerned.

"He's coming!" She huffed with excitement. "He found something addressed to me in my bag and he's coming!"

"With police?" Esme asked looking worried.

"No, no they tried tracking us down using the car, but they can't," Alice explained with a smile that made us all feel more at ease.

"Why did you leave something like that in your bag Alice?" Esme asked sounding just as motherly as before, but this time there was a distinct scolding harshness around the edges of her voice.

"I don't know," Alice answered looking ashamed. "I'm so sorry Sterling."

"When will he be here?" I asked looking around my room thinking about what I'd take for an extended trip away from the family.

"Tonight he's determined to see us again," Alice whispered grabbing my hands holding me into place. "Don't go Sterling, if you face him it will make you feel better."

"If I kill him you know what will happen," I growled yanking my hands from her grasp.

"I don't see you killing him, yet," Alice stammered an air of guilt making her normally sweet voice crack.

"So I won't kill him tonight?" I asked suspicious of her. Edward would know what she saw if he was here, but he wasn't.

"No, he found the boxes in the attic," Alice explained. "He's bringing them, he knows we're not out to harm him."

"Oh right," I said rolling my dark eyes. "Not until I can't control myself or he trips and scrapes a knee or gets a nose bleed, anything..."

"We're more in control and you know that," Alice countered. "Stop being so dramatic Sterling, have faith in me will you?"

"I don't think him coming here is a good idea Alice," Esme said. "Go meet him at the airport and send him back home."

"Thank you Esme," I offered and she shot me a look that I couldn't read.

"Not for you," Esme said a tight smile returning. "I feel that you will have to contact him, but not right now."

"You all feel that way?" I asked and Alice and her shook their heads. They were all in agreement.

"Rosalie is the exception," Alice whispered standing. "I'll go get the boxes, but I won't fight with him if he's insistent on coming."

"Try your best," Esme instructed patting her on the shoulder. She followed her out leaving me to decide what I wanted to do. When I heard that he was coming, I felt slightly at ease and that scared me. Like I was about to get what I wanted, with out a lot of trouble hunting him. We had an alluring affect on people and it would only take a few moments to get him alone. To let him hear my inviting voice before his fear would subside and I capitalize on his calmness just enough to stop any fight he'd have. It would take mere seconds for his blood to leave his body, and for his heart to stop. Then I would be satisfied.

I had to stop myself; I was slowly walking towards the door, my throat as with the rest of my body seemingly burning with excitement. The same excitement, but on a lesser level when I was hunting a bear or a mountain lion. Esme was right, I would have to have contact with him or I would be driven mad. That would put everyone around me in danger – I would be resorting to some wild state. Something out of control and foreign and I wouldn't be stopped until I was a pile of ashes.

I watched the sun set from my window and listened for Alice to leave the house to drive to Seattle. It wasn't dark; the sun though had disappeared behind the tree line leaving everything in a dark blue haze. Alice looked up at my window smiling and winking when she finally did leave and was standing in the front yard. I nodded my head and opened my window. Rosalie coming out to join her stopped me in my tracks and I whipped around to the other side of the house to hide myself. I was going to go with her, but Rosalie never would allow me to come along.

I waited until the red convertible backed out of the garage and disappeared down the road before hopping down and entering the garage. I eased myself into the car with the door open, not starting the engine until I was facing the driveway I pushed the car back. Outside the garage, I closed the door and slammed my foot against the accelerator. The car spun the back tires before releasing the hold on the pavement. I looked through my back window to see Jasper and Emmett running after me a short distance before giving up. Jasper was on the phone when I disappeared around the curve. It wasn't long before I caught up with the red car. Rosalie wasn't driving, which shocked me as it was her pride and joy. She was noticeably arguing with Alice, but Alice was looking forward ignoring her. It was when Rosalie shot me glare that I knew I was what she was arguing about.

When we arrived, the flight the guy was on, just landed. I parked beside Alice and stepped out of my silver Porsche. Rosalie was at my side as soon as the door closed behind me. Alice was standing right behind her with an amused smile spreading across her face. I tried to wave off the oncoming assault with my hand, but Rosalie only smacked it away from her face.

"You're incredibly stupid," she hissed crossing her arms keeping pace with me. "You know what will happen if you kill him."

"What?" I asked glancing in her direction. "We're not on treaty lands anymore Rose, nothing will happen."

"I told her you wouldn't kill him," Alice offered from the other side of me as we walked towards the building that was filling with people that had just landed.

"He will kill him eventually Alice," Rosalie countered shooting her a glare. "For what?"

"It would put a stop to the madness that's growing inside me Rose," I whispered feeling the intensity subsiding with each step I took.

"Or make you desire human blood like some thirsty monster," Rose argued grabbing my arm trying to stop me from going any further. "All that we worked for will be stopped if you do this, just go back to the car."

"No," I countered dragging her along until she planted her feet.

"Rosalie you fighting him will only make what he feels worse, don't get in his way, just have faith in me," Alice groaned placing her hands on both our shoulders. "He's not going to kill him."

"His decision can change in any second Alice, then what?" Rosalie asked, even I turned to hear Alice's answer.

"Then we bash him over the head with something," Alice answered and I laughed shaking my head. "We can do something Rose, if it comes to that, it's the only reason you're here and not Jasper."

"What would Jasper have done?" I asked as we started walking again. Rosalie seemed to like the bashing plan enough to stop fighting with me.

"He would've wanted to carry you away in a bag," Alice answered, "but I doubt we would've put you back together right."

"And carve up this pretty face?" I asked my eyes widening. "He's only jealous because I'm the hot one of the family."

"Are not," both Rosalie and Alice argued in unison. For different reasons, I imagined as Alice looked to be defending Jasper and Rosalie defending herself as she flipped her hair and smoothed her clothes.

"Girls," I sighed then Alice stopped walking. I looked towards the front doors and saw him standing just outside them. He looked at Alice and I intensely surprised seeing us in the parking lot of the airport. Rosalie had kept walking a few steps until she turned around to look at us.

"What?" She asked then motioned for us to catch up with her.

"That's him," I whispered, "at the door."

"Alice," Rosalie stammered, unsure of why she had stopped walking too. "You both suck so much right now its not even funny anymore."

"Shut up Rosalie," Alice ordered her smile returning. "We're still good to go whenever you're ready Sterling."

"Are you sure you can control me?" I asked and she wrapped her arm in mine still smiling.

"Yes," Alice answered looking to Rosalie. "I'll hold you while Rosalie beats you senseless, it will do her some good to get some of that anger out anyway."

"Just not the face, its my money maker," I joked. I heard Rosalie let out a low growl; she was stiff and crossed her arms.

"Just get the stuff he brought so we can leave," Rosalie ordered then she led us to where he was standing. It looked like he could start running any second, and I hoped he wouldn't. I would be too tempted to chase him into whatever dark alley he'd find. I would distinctly pace myself, letting him put space between him and witnesses.

"Now wouldn't be the best time for those thoughts," Alice whispered leaning into me so that Rosalie wouldn't hear.

"Right," I sighed forcing myself to think about controlling myself. He didn't run, just waited by the sidewalk for us to approach.

"Hi," Alice greeted when we were standing on the sidewalk with him.

"I didn't expect to see you until I was on your doorstep," the guy stammered unsure of himself. "Or were you coming back to see me?"

"Of course not, we got what we wanted," Alice answered her voice welcoming. "Of course we left too quickly."

"So you really were looking for some old things belonging to your family?" He asked wanting confirmation.

"The necklace my brother is wearing belonged to…" Alice started but then fumbled slightly.

"To my great grandmother," I answered winking at her. I pulled the necklace gently from underneath my shirt so that he could see it.

"Oh," he said as he placed one of his bags down freeing one of his hands. "I'm Ryder, well Marcus is my first name, but…" He was offering his hand for us to shake, but when we didn't accept he trailed off and let it drop.

"Hi Ryder, I'm Alice," Alice greeted smiling warmly. "This is my brother Sterling, and my sister Rosalie."

"Hi," Rosalie greeted. I just nodded my head, which he seemed to take notice. He was younger, than I expected the gun and the bravery had made him seem a lot older than he was. He looked to be in his early twenties or late teens. Taller than me by a few inches and his slight tan looked uncommon – slightly exotic for this part of the country where the sun hardly liked to come out from behind the cloud cover.

"So you brought the rest of the stuff?" I asked when he didn't take his eyes away from me. Alice seemed to notice so she held me tighter against her.

"Oh right," Ryder responded blinking a few times. He brought one large back and placed it from the rest of them. "In the bag is the rest, some old clothes and stuff."

"Ok," Rosalie responded walking up and taking the bag in her hand. "Sterling go put the stuff in your car."

"You can just keep the bag, its old," he said and I grimaced when Rosalie slammed the bag into my stomach. It jolted me

and I had to take a step back to keep my balance. She looked amused and I rolled my eyes taking hold of the bag. It was better that my hands were full, maybe Rosalie knew that too.

"So I hate to make the trip a short one, but we really must go," Rosalie stated flatly then whirled around and started walking back towards the cars.

"I was hoping to…" Ryder started, but thought better to keep silent.

"Oh," Alice hummed her eyes ticking over to me briefly. "Well you see, we're going on vacation soon that's why we're here – to surprise our parents with the tickets."

"Oh," Ryder said looking suddenly uneasier. His feet started backpedaling slightly and he started reaching for his bags. "Well better get to a hotel before they fill up."

"We do need to get those tickets," Alice said pushing me forward gently. She winked at me as she and I started walking. I didn't allow myself to breathe in his scent when we walked past him. He didn't wait around to make sure Alice made good on her lie and bought tickets. I watched him put his luggage in the back of a cab. I felt the urge to follow him, but I stood with Alice still clutching my arm.

"He's still going to be in Seattle," I said as Alice and I got out of line and walked out of the airport. Rosalie was in the convertible, she would be driving home this time and I smirked when Alice tossed her the keys with a sigh. I wondered if fast cars were an interest to all vampires or just us. The preferred method of travel was just to walk, since we didn't fatigue and could travel more easily between borders. Trying to seem normal, our family bought cars and used them every time we needed to take long trips.

"And he's still going to come see us," Alice whispered then left me to get into the passenger side beside Rosalie. "Don't do anything stupid Sterling and come straight home."

"Oh I will," I said opening my door and sliding into the seat. I wouldn't be able to block Alice out of my mind to plan something. She and Rosalie would probably turn around and follow me if I made any weird turns along the way, and I wasn't that good at tracking either. It took a lot of skill to follow the scent and read the mind of what we're following.

That night I went hunting again and I was racking up the body count, I was starting to wonder if I should move. I didn't put much thought in the hunt as I would typically. I just wanted to get it over with so that I could feel relieved. I stayed close to home, not trusting myself anymore. The thoughts seemed to haunt me and I wondered if nightmares were like this for humans. At least they went away, my eyes were already open. I wouldn't be relieved that it was just a fragment of my unconsciousness. I was living the images rushing through my head. Marcus, a name which I preferred over Ryder, running down a muddy trail. His foot falls echoing off the thick roots just beneath the ground and the sound of his rapid heart beat and ragged breathing seemed so vivid to me.

Before daybreak I stepped into the shower, I could see the thick cloud cover and knew we would finally be going back to school. Marcus may come while we're away and Esme would satisfy him enough to go home. I didn't worry about the cold water when the spray washed over my marble colored body. We did notice changes in temperature, but the cold never bothered us. The heat radiating off the living was the most pronounced temperature in our lives and we didn't have to be touching to feel it.

Knowing a shower wouldn't relax my nerves I washed quickly. When I was dressed for school Alice and Jasper were waiting for me. Rosalie and Emmett were already out, Carlisle was at work and Esme busied herself with crafts. She liked to scrapbook, but we didn't really age so we took pictures randomly or during our traveling expeditions. She looked up at us from her stacks of photos to give us a short wave and blow us a kiss as we gathered our bags.

"Bye Esme," Jasper said and we followed him out the door to his jeep. He drove to school and we parked beside the red convertible. What we didn't expect to see though, was Edwards silver Volvo parked in the school parking lot a few cars down from us. He was leaned up against it talking to Emmett and Rosalie when we arrived. Jasper had barely enough time to stop the jeep before Alice opened the door and bounded to him wrapping him into a hug. When I joined the rest he offered us tight smiles he was being hounded with questions by Rosalie about Tanya and Denali so I didn't greet him. No one pushed him for answers about why he left, we all knew it wasn't the place.

"You have Esme worried sick," Alice stated when we all started working our way towards the cafeteria.

"I had my reasons," Edward commented looking around at everyone walking around us, all headed in the same direction. It was when we all heard the roaring engine of Bella's ancient Chevrolet that caused him to noticeably grow tense. He stopped walking momentarily and looked over his shoulder when the Chevrolet back-fired to a stop and waited for her to emerge from the drivers' side door. We all looked back and watched her and she noticed us and this time it was us who looked away.

"She's certainly happy you've come back," Jasper whispered then held the door open for all of us to enter the cafeteria. We had been later to school than expected and was caught off guard by the dismissal bell. Rosalie even jumped and I sighed knowing I had gym.

When I arrived I was relieved to see the badminton nets erected. There were four courts outlined with yellow tape in the gym. It was the one sport I didn't have to touch or be close to anyone. I actually tried at this game, even though I didn't get much of a thrill out of sports. Coach Clapp looked to expect me to walk up to him and start complaining of some illness and seemed surprised when I walked into the locker room with out any argument. Actually liking gym for once made the class pass quickly, even so I wanted to be in World History so I could talk to Edward alone and not have him bombarded by questions by the rest of the family.

I walked through the door to see him already sitting at his desk at the back of the class next to the window. He smiled when he saw me and I quickly made my way back to him, taking my seat as well. We were the only two in the class room, but it wouldn't be long before the rest of the class shuffled through the door. The only thing the old teacher wanted, was that no one arrive late to class so he wouldn't have to fool with marking someone tardy.

"Good morning," I offered and he seemed to study me.

"No Chinese alphabet?" He asked cocking an eyebrow. His eyes seemed noticeably calm, even for us. Like nothing in the world was bothering him right now, but I didn't know really. I wasn't able to get help when reading people.

"I slipped," I answered looking down at my palms on the desk.

"And I wasn't here, he sighed, "damn."

"You didn't miss much," I offered then started thinking about all the conversations I had with the family. I did hide the trip from him though, it was difficult to do since Marcus had been a large part of the last few days. I did watch him change expressions, never frowning though. Just looking at me with a sense of wonder, like he was meeting me for the first time. In a way he probably felt like that too. It was when I started thinking about the trip back to Maine, that I stopped and started my old routine of randomly reciting.

"You were doing so well!" Edward groaned shaking his head at me. Then he leaned across the isle with his eyes narrowed in thought. "So you're really homosexual?"

"Yeah, guess so," I answered and he slid back into his seat still looking at me.

"And you can lift things with your thoughts too?" He asked skeptically and I fought back my laughter.

"I wouldn't lie Edward," I answered, "I've come clean, honest."

"I believe you, its just wow," Edward offered smiling. "I never knew you were so original bro, you really put the rest of us to shame."

"We're all freaks, don't crown me king," I countered lightly and he chuckled then leaned in close to me again.

"Who was the guy?" He asked, "the one you're trying to hide?"

"I'm not…" I started, but when his eyes widened with amusement I let the lie die on my lips. I had just told him I wouldn't lie to him, even I wanted to laugh at myself then.

"A stranger," I answered vaguely. "Alice must be day dreaming, because you didn't get it from me."

"Well one can only take calculus so many times," Edward joked.

"I'll tell you about that at home, since I need all the help I can get," I stammered and he seemed impatient, but didn't push me. "Why did you go on the trip though?"

"That too, will have to wait," Edward responded smiling. I shot him an impatient glare, similar to the one that he gave me just seconds earlier. I was tempted to skip the rest of the day and get the whole story, but he seemed open enough about what he was dealing with. I would just have to wait for him to tell me.

When the class was over I followed him to lunch. Bella was still surprised to see Edward and we all could see an altercation brewing between them. She was openly staring at our table, not caring that we had caught her. Her eyes though didn't tick across the rest of us, they were focused directly on Edward. When I looked at him though, I was surprised to see him sharing similar expressions with her. His deep honey colored eyes were locked on her and he had a tight thoughtful frown. He ignored the chatter at the table mostly of Alice and Rosalie talking and Jasper and Emmett discussing a totally different subject.

The staring contest between them only faltered when the bell rang dismissing us to the other classes. We only had four during the day and everyone knew that Edward had Biology with Bella next. I watched as Edward rose from his seat then I looked across the lunchroom to see Bella stumble over the leg of her chair. They both walked swiftly through the people exiting the cafeteria, seemingly in a race.

"That was strange," I mumbled looking around the table, as we all remained seated.

"You're telling me," Alice agreed worry thick on her usually melodic voice. "He wants to apologize and talk to her about whatever happened in Biology though."

"He certainly seemed eager," Rosalie commented as we all gathered our things and left the table. Nothing else was said between us as we walked out of the cafeteria and parted ways.

I had art next; the only class that gave me enjoyment since it wasn't predictable and art didn't have any of our usual repetitions. We did learn the same general terminology, but that was all. It was the one class I put effort in to express myself. When I opened the door it wasn't the unmistakable smell of clay or paint that filled my nostrils or the chattering of excited art students. It was the smooth casual voice that haunted me, along with the intense smell that I instantly fought against. Marcus had his back to me, talking about something that I didn't even worry about with the art teacher. I wanted to bolt from the art room, but he seemed to sense me in the room and turned around, his smile stopped my urge to run. The madness that I feared screamed through me and I knew I was in too deep.


	7. Chapter 7

Acceptance of Fate

Chapter 7

Marcus stood, his smile not faltering until I grimaced and stepped back through the door. When the air in the hallway filled my senses, I turned and walked through the crowded halls, not bumping into anyone. I found the exit to the building and when outside I quickened my pace to the main road. I was suddenly angry that I hadn't driven myself to school. It wasn't something I normally did though; it was normal for us to arrive together, and not in our own cars. It would look weird seeing all the ostentatious cars surrounded by the cars people drove in Forks.

When I was hidden behind the tree line I put my bag over my shoulder, it was a single strap bag. Then I started running for home. I never looked behind me, but I knew I wasn't being followed on foot. I would've been able to smell him, but part of me wanted him to be in the woods. We would be alone and I would finally be rid of the torment, it had to be easier than trying to accept Marcus.

"What's the matter Sterling?" Esme asked as soon as I walked through the door. I could faintly smell him in the house, so I knew he had been here.

"He was in my art room," I hissed, "this is getting crazy."

"I agree," Esme responded crossing her arms, looking me over. When I met her eyes, she didn't hide her discomfort. "Go change, you're soaked."

"Oh?" I said looking myself over. I hadn't noticed, but I stepped up the stairs, closing the door behind me, knowing Esme would follow me up the stairs.

"Do you think he'll come looking for you?" Esme asked from behind the door. The door itself had a glass center, but I had a window shade pulled down.

"Yes," I answered pulling a pair of jeans up over my waist and fastening the buttons. Then I pulled on a t-shirt and opened the door letting her into the room.

"You have to decide something Sterling," Esme whispered cocking her left eyebrow. "When do you want to get to know him?"

"What do you mean get to know him?" I asked crossing my pale arms. "I don't want to get to know him, Esme."

"I see what not knowing him is doing to you," Esme countered, "it's not going to end well for you if you ignore him."

"Why can't it?" I inquired, my voice weakened by the burning I felt in the back of my throat. The mere mention of him made it grow intense and I knew she was right. I didn't want to admit that I was weak. That I couldn't some how just get over the feelings, like we did when we switched from human to animal blood. It would all just take time.

"It's different than any other person," Esme answered and I was about to argue, but she put her hand up stopping me. "It will only get worse, Alice sees what you're struggling with, now with Edward back he'll be able to know as well."

"So what do I do?" I pleaded finally letting my guard down. She walked up to me and wrapped me in a hug and it did make me feel better.

"We'll think about that when everyone else gets home," Esme whispered in a soothing voice. She patted me on the back then led me out of my bedroom back down the stairs. In the living room we both heard a car park outside of the garage. We both knew who it was, everyone else parked in the garage. I looked over to Esme who pointed to the kitchen. She held up a finger telling me to be quiet and I stepped into the kitchen and hid behind the wall. She opened the door before he was on the front steps.

"Hello again Ma'am," Marcus greeted uneasily.

"Nice to see you again, so soon," Esme replied, "please come in."

"Thanks," he said, "but I can't stay long, I was just wondering if your son was here?"

"Which one?" Esme asked and I smiled knowing she was stalling.

"Sterling, I think is his name," Marcus answered and I noted the slight southern accent when he said my name. It caused a sharp, but brief surge through me and I wanted to step out from behind the wall.

"Oh, he's currently unavailable," Esme answered, "after lunch he became ill, his father picked him up from school."

"Oh," Marcus stammered not sounding convinced by Esme's story, but accepting it for now. "I was just wanting to discuss what he found in the attic of my house, but I have to return to Maine this afternoon."

"Sorry about that, they shouldn't have broken in like that," Esme apologized in a tone that I thought was pointed towards me. It seemed to scare Marcus as well, I could feel his heart quicken.

"They didn't do any damage," Marcus said, "but I guess I can just call, sorry to intrude."

"Not a problem," Esme said back to her endearing self. "You caught me leaving to do some errands though, so walk me to the garage?"

"Sure," he stammered and I heard her walk through the door, onto the deck. She closed the locked door behind her and I waited in the kitchen until I heard his car leave the driveway before I stepped back into the living room. I only waited twenty minutes for Esme to return, I unlocked the door for her and she offered me a smile.

"Do you think he'll be back?" I asked and I saw her eyes light up briefly. She ignored the question at first and stepped past me to sit on the couch.

"I would think so," Esme answered patting the couch with her hand. "I hope so anyway."

"You're taken with him aren't you?" I asked crossing my arms. "You want me to steal him away and…"

"Love him," Esme interrupted, but we were both thinking similar things. "I want to see my sons happy, well the two that are currently smitten with mortals."

"So you think Edward is as well?" I asked, but she ignored me again seeming to be in thought. I wondered how many times she worried about us, her children, throughout the day. Here lately, I assume she would be constantly, Edward running away to Canada for a few days and I fighting the urges to kill some man from Maine.

Two hours later Forks High school dismissed for the day, I had skipped my last two classes out of fear. I hoped it was over between Marcus and I, I didn't think I could stand anymore surprise appearances from him. Esme had went back to the table to clean up what she had been working on. It was yet another scrap book, but this time of the time when we remodeled the house we're currently staying at. Moving around a lot, Esme liked to take pictures of her work, she was really good at it. She never wanted to do it professionally though, and she never put the homes we had up for sale either. They just sat neglected and she absently hoped that they would decline in structure over the years. So that when she returns she can start new on it with a different vision all together.

"They're home," Esme said, entering the living room where I was watching sports bloopers. It didn't take them long to enter the living room, they all looked at me with studied expressions. Only Alice knew what had happened so she walked over to me and patted me on the shoulder. Edward was missing, but we wouldn't be discussing anything until Carlisle left the hospital and that would be in an hour still.

"Where's Edward?" I asked looking at Alice who was about to take a walk with Jasper. They liked to spend their time alone in the treetops, over looking the forest. It also let her be more in tune with the people around us, over reaching so no surprises could happen.

"Talking to Bella, but he'll be in shortly they keep having disagreements," Alice answered, "I'll be in when Carlisle gets in so we can have the talks."

"Right," Esme said sliding her scrap booking into the cabinet under the sink that we never used.

"I don't see why a talk is necessary," Rose countered crossing her arms. "Nothing can go forward with the two of them and it not be a bad idea."

"That's for a later discussion Rose, when Edward is here," Esme breathed in a soothing tone. Emmett had already started prodding Rose to go up stairs with him, but she hesitated glaring at Esme – who pretended not to notice.

"Emmett," I said stopping them at the bottom of the stairs. "Do you two want to go hunting?"

"Again Sterling?" Emmett asked patting his stomach. "I'm still well fed from the last time."

"I'll go with you Sterling," Esme said shooting a glare at Emmett who shrugged his shoulders and kept walking with Rose up the stairs. Esme turned to me then and rolled her eyes, taking my hand and leading me out of the front door. We didn't go far, knowing Carlisle and Edward was due back shortly. "Is it getting any easier?"

"It actually is," I stated looking over the corpse of a small white tail deer. Esme hadn't hunted, and wasn't going to. She was just there for the company, and to keep me out of any trouble that may arise in my heightened state of agitation. "I've become a problem for you guys though, I think."

"How so?" She asked putting her arm around me and dusting my shirt. I looked down and saw that it was covered in deer hair and dirt. I sighed and helped her clean myself up. I was getting a bit sloppy in my hunting practices as well. I was afraid that if a human ventured into the woods around me, I would slip. Then it would take a few months or even years to get those urges worked back into some sort of control. Human blood was so intoxicating.

"The worrying I know you do," I explained shortly. She was already trying to disagree with me, but she didn't say anything aloud, which didn't help. She wasn't going to lie to me.

"Sterling I worry about a lot of things," Esme countered smiling. "I worry about Edward and Bella, Carlisle working in the hospital, the treaty, I can't help it, I'm a worrier."

"The treaty?" I asked my eyes narrowing at the word. It wasn't much of a treaty, but it kept everyone alive and settled. "Has Emmett and Jasper done something again?"

"No, no," She said rolling her eyes and walking with me back to the house. We both heard Carlisle's Mercedes pull into the garage followed by Edward's Volvo. The talks would be beginning as soon as we were in the living room. "Just old fears coming around here and there."

"You need to stop worrying, I would say it will make you wrinkle, but that's not the case," I stammered and she laughed elbowing me in the side.

"If I could get wrinkles and gray hairs I would most certainly blame some on you," Esme joked. "So you're off the hook."

"Thanks," I said holding the door open for Esme to enter. She walked straight to Carlisle and wrapped him into a hug. They greeted as if they hadn't seen one another in such a long time, although it was only a few hours. We had no scope of time and I was starting to understand the feelings we felt now.

"So you guys want to talk about me," Edward said defensively. He was sitting in the chair, making him the center of attention in the room.

Rosalie was sitting on the couch beside Emmett. Jasper and Alice sat on the floor in front of the television, which was turned down really low. We barely watched it as it was, but we hardly ever turned it off. Esme took a seat next to Emmett and I sat on the arm beside her, looking over Edward's expression. He seemed pretty hostile about the ambush, but he had to know it was coming as well. Carlisle stood in the middle of the circle we made, looking over his family one at a time.

"Please talk about your concerns," Carlisle stated then he walked over to stand behind the couch. He placed both his hands on Esme's shoulder, massaging them, but he was looking at Edward still. We hadn't had many of these discussions, and none of them were about loving humans. Most, but not all of them had been about where to move next, where to go to school.

"I think we should stay clear of the two humans," Rosalie said breaking the silence. She shot me a look and I crossed my arms, now sharing similar expressions that Edward had just a few seconds ago. I was all prepared to ignore my feelings, no matter the cost and I hated being linked into Edward's problem although it was the same.

"She thinks it's too dangerous to get involved," Emmett added when Rosalie shot him a glare. It wasn't enough to satisfy her, so she turned to Edward ready to argue more.

"I'm not out of control Rosalie," Edward hissed reading her thoughts. "I'm trying to stay away from her."

"Trying is too much to ask," Carlisle countered gently. Rosalie was about to say something, but he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"It's not practical, being around them like that," Jasper stammered. Alice shot him a glare, which he shied away from.

"I don't see either of them being in any danger," Alice offered smiling. "At least neither Edward nor Sterling have decided to harm them, its actually the opposite."

"I feel very protective of Bella," Edward whispered sounding ashamed.

"And that will lead to trouble," Rosalie grunted shaking her head. "We can't do this right now, we're so close to being completely settled here. Don't mess this up over a dumb girl."

"Rosalie," Esme groaned leaning over Emmett to look at her. "Bella isn't a dumb girl, she's probably a nice girl."

"Edward can keep his distance," Carlisle said with a hint of finality. "I trust his judgment, he has the family's interest first. Sterling as well."

"Thanks Carlisle," Edward offered standing. Rosalie wasn't satisfied, but we all knew the discussions were over at that point. "I will do my best."

"We know," Carlisle said patting Edward on the shoulder when he walked by and out the front door. It was getting dark outside and I wasn't sure where he was going. I looked at Alice, she looked amused so I didn't worry.

"So brother," she said turning back to me. "Get a surprise in Art class?"

"Yeah," I said, "were you aware of it?"

"No, he didn't make up his mind until after I was in class," Alice said shrugging. "I knew he was in the school though, I really thought Miss Carver would've kept your schedule secret."

"Right," I rolled my eyes. "He's going back to Maine though, so we won't be bothered."

"Pity," Alice sighed. Rosalie hissed as she walked up the stairs with Emmett following behind her. Emmett let out a laugh, but it was muffled when Rosalie punched him in the gut. It sent him flailing backwards down the stairs.

"Oh come on!" Emmett bellowed, "Don't worry about them Rose."

"Contrary to her actions Brother, she does want you happy," Alice whispered leaning towards me. I smiled mentally thanking Rosalie for her opinions; they kept me thinking about the family. If they had all been accepting of these new feelings it would most definitely be difficult to keep from slipping.

"I know," I sighed. "Its nice hearing the voice of reason though."

"If you say that's what she is," Alice countered offering me a sly smile. We both heard a groan followed by another muffled laugh from Rosalie and Emmett's room.

"He'll be on the couch before long," I joked.

"Definitely," Alice added looking thoughtful. "Of course it will never last, the monsters will destroy another bedroom."

"At least it gives Esme something to do," I shrugged looking towards the kitchen where Carlisle and Esme were holding one another again. It was a deep love that I had always been slightly jealous of, but now with Marcus on my mind it didn't seem that far out of reach.

"So you're going to see him this weekend?" Alice asked and I caught her shying away after she asked. The expression on my face must have been fierce, so I forced a smirk shaking my head.

"It was so much more private reciting things all the time," I prodded raising an eyebrow.

"But a lot less fun, you have an amusing mind Sterling," Alice whispered her eyes twinkling. "Even Edward thinks so."

"Right, a freak for you both to study," I hissed rolling my eyes. "Yes, this weekend I was planning to go watch over him."

"But not meet him, baby steps," she said smiling. "That's intelligent of you, do you want me to come with?"

"No," I stammered. "I think I'll be ok watching him from the outside."

"I can see that it's good so far," she shrugged knowing anything could change my mind once I arrive at his house. I felt that she was apprehensive about letting me go by myself, but she had faith in me to behave. I knew I wanted to keep a distance and I knew that it was easier if I did.

The next morning we all let out a sigh. Even though the ice and sleet didn't bother us, it just had an ominous look about it as we went to school. Ice on the road slowed us down, even with our reflexes rubber and ice just didn't mix all that well. Forks was also known for these types of storms, even though it was only mere weeks away from Spring break. It wasn't uncommon to get all four seasons in one day. Right now it looked like the middle of winter and the accumulated ice wasn't going to disappear any time soon.

"Watch out for Gym, Sterling, flag football," Alice shuttered and I rolled my eyes as we sat down at our table this morning. Edward was late to the table, but walked in a few yards behind Bella, after she had arrived at school. Rosalie let growl escape her soft lips and we all looked at her. She didn't apologize for the tiny outburst, but we were thankful that no one else seemed to hear it.

"Try to keep the growls to a minimum sis," Jasper instructed with an amused expression. "Can't have people thinking you're the bitch of the family."

"Let them," she hissed crossing her arms. It didn't take a mind reader to know that the thought amused her. She liked making people speechless with her beauty, but if she could scare them with her attitude as well it made it better.

"They think I'm weird," Alice sighed shaking her head. "I'm not weird am I?"

"No," Jasper and I answered in unison, but Emmett only stifled a laugh and Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Don't lie to her we all know she's weird," Rosalie stated, but her tone was light, although the look she gave Alice made me wonder if she was sincerely joking.

"But you guys still love me," she said smiling unapologetically after reading all of our thoughts.

We all became quiet when Edward joined us at the table. Like yesterday he turned and let his stare fall upon Bella at her table. Bella always seemed to flush when she caught Edward staring at her. He seemed to enjoy the fact that her heart fluttered, we all sensed it, each of us feeling differently about the situation he was falling quickly into. I didn't like it, but I wasn't going to push him, knowing in my own mind I was about to do the same thing. Alice seemed the most at ease about Edward's fascination with Bella, but she had that right, knowing what he was deciding. Emmett of course, didn't care about it, until Rosalie stated her opinions and Jasper kept looking at the situation as a strict observer, not wanting to express too many opinions. He was afraid that he would offend Edward with his brutal, but logical honesty. We all knew he looked at things strategically, dripping with absolute logic. He only let that guard down around Alice, when she helped him. Logic told him that nothing good could come with being close to a mortal, a beating heart. We all shared that opinion in various degrees, even Edward.

"Edward at least let her sit through the morning with out breaking a sweat," Rose hissed snapping her delicate fingers. He shot her a look then looked around the table at the rest of us. When we all diverted our eyes he let out a sigh.

"She fascinates me," he stammered in a tight smile. "I know its all wrong, I'll do my very best to stay away."

"Rose is just cautious," Alice soothed, but didn't push Edward toward Bella no more than the rest of us.

"Well time for class," Edward said then stood and walked away from the table. We all looked at Bella, who watched him leave. I rolled my eyes and readied myself for the biggest illness to date, to get out of flag football. None of us knew what was going to happen later though, and it inevitably changed our world forever.


End file.
